Time flies..

They always say, "Time flies when you're having fun" .. well I guess I must be having the time of my life :P

I have been on vacation since 18th Dec.. its now 29th, thats 11 days.. it seems like 11 minutes!!!

And christmas cheer disapears with a pop!

After karate on monday I went home and somehow had a fear in my stomache. Tuesday was to be the last senior lesson, my supposed grading day, and I just knew deep in my heart it wasnt going to happen..

To condense the story to a short blog paragraph, Ive been promised each month of oct, nov and dec that I would grade by the end of the month... he (the trainer for senior class)"forgot" for the first two, and in part I cant help but think he forgot this month too, but decided that he would say things that contradicted the last 3 months of what he'd said, and well, my expectation (as it wasnt a hope it was promised) of a green belt for christmas, has not come. More to the point, as a result of his actions I dont believe I can grade again in this region, because he is the guy who makes those decisions and I cannot bring myself - certainly for now - to respect anyone who lies to my face and calls me a liar while doing it.

This also makes me sad as I have tried my little guts out this year, and this 1 person has spoilt all the effort Ive put in, because I believed him when he was telling me I was a blue belt level, and to be told that Im not even green, despite no corrections, and yet somehow over 3 weeks off I'll suddenly be green belt level just makes no sense.

This will play on my mind a lot - I dont normally dwell on things like this, but 6 months worth of effort feels like it was down the pan, and that doesnt sit too well right now.

The christmas break

Fortunately for me, my christmas vacation starts early this year, in fact it started this morning.

Unfortunately with all thats going on at work somehow having a long vacation doesnt seem like the right thing to do, but at the same time we had to take all the time off or lose it.. so.. It had to be done. I just fear the monumental mess that will wait for me for when I return.

Im sure my name will be muck for something..

anyway, today Charlie went for a swim again, hes doing so well, being off next week hes going to be a lucky fluff and I'll pay the 37 pounds for him to swim twice! He thoroughly loves it, and it has to be said you almost want to take him every day because its such good exercise, but also, at the same time at 18.50 a go, theres no way I could afford that. It also seems that winter and wet dogs is probably not such a hot mix, so, going too much he'd probably get a chill.

Ever noticed how much you hate the huge number of Ads around christmas? Here in the UK the ads seem to be either.. purfume, dolls in the shape of babys who do one of the more of puke, cry, move, wet themselves, poop themsevles or have "owwies" that you can make better.. But then the one time you see an ad you actually might want to take a further look into by the time you thought you'd actually not mind seeing it again to find out who made it or something.. do you ever see it again??? no.

sigh..

It really feels like christmas is just round the corner.

Been a while...

Its been a while huh...

Well what have I been up to? Not a lot, why? well Im overdue for my green belt by a substantial amount, I had done sufficient to qualify 3 months back now, and arguably could have had it then, but no, the regional manager wont let me grade so now Im 3 months behind others I train with and Im reassured its not because Im not good enough, which is just spit in my eye really. Oh, and the guy holding me back said he would grade me end of this month, well thats like next week, so, does 2 whole weeks *really* make that much of a difference? I doubt it.

Ive crochetted loads - I finished the blanket for my friends wife, see below (the copyright liz is deliberate)

Im now working on a new blanket for an equally german friend its pattern looks like this:

I started at the bottom of the picture, and Ive just started his head, so, Im just about half way.

Ive had a lot of headaches over the last month, partly stress, hence Ive been a bit quiet, headaches leave me very drained, that and its winter, and Im never enthusiastic over winter..

Charlie has been having swimming lessons - hes doing really well. Its great to see him have so much fun and have totally weighless exercise which is so good for him. The bone crunching lady has let him off crunches till the new year, the vets pleased enough Charlie can have odd little short walks on the lead again, and the swimming people are pleased at how well his swimming and confidence are doing.

Hes a good boy.

Theres also been some trouble brewing at work, it seems with the uncertainty of how jobs are going a few members of staff are making most of the opportunity to shine at other collegues expense, not necessarily mine I should say, but, various examples of withholding info, and trying to blame others where it could not be their mistake seems to be growing. The latter does apply to me, I had a week off, someone did something while I was off, it was wrong, a huge crap-o-gram was sent, to me I should point out from the effected people, and I apologised but apparently the person who made the mistake is mad at me.. I guess coz I hadnt stopped them? despite my absense? The mind boggles.

Well, I only have 4 more days of work this year (bar being on call), each day is hard to be got down too much now because in a few days I can rest almost till the new year, being on call shouldnt be bad as we have a prime response person who should get all the calls and only if important pass them on, this is a good thing. Otherwise there are various areas who wouldnt fake importance, but would make out the importance is far greater than it is.. eg, they cant print something, their collegue could do it, but, no no, its a life threatening priority 1 that *they* cant.. you know the kind of thing.

Well, we'll see how the rest of the week goes.

So.. it looks like winter..

IUts just turned 5pm and its blacker than a dark cellar out there.. :( and we already converted to daylight savings.. Exceedingly soon will be the go to work in the dark, come home in the dark rigmarole we hate..

It hasnt quite got to the cold wet stage, but this time of year was deffinately made for hibernation, something which we humans could learn a trick or too from, its certainly the time of year we seem to find we want to sleep every afternoon!

Yawn the weeks that fly by..

Well its the 4th November, a friends birthday, and the last year has flown by.

While I may have accomplished things, it doesnt feel enough for the time thats passed, I got my yellow and orange belts in karate, but apparetnly green is not a soon coming thing - despite being the right time frame - because Im still being judged as a sempei, rather than a student (which is all I am.. so the major depression and annoyance continues there), Ive made some nice crochet peices, peices Im really proud of, and of course, Ive learnt c#.

Things I havent made the dent in I hoped was: Getting lighter - my weight hasnt really gone down this year much at all, despite eating less, more karate.. so frustrating, no offense to being thinner and fitter but I dont want that to be all I do with my life, I want a life other than feeling amazingly hungry (like I do now) and spending it walking, cycling and karate-ing and I want time to do ME stuff, after all, I learnt c# to write apps and I learnt crochet to make things, whats the point if Im spendingn 8 hours a day walking and cycling just to burn off a couple more pounds! OK, reality I spend currently about 8 odd hours a week exercising at a sweating rate... I personally thing thats a good start and should have more effect than it is.

Christmas is rapidly heading towards us, and so a new year will follow.

My job safety is still teetering on the fence, the news earlier this week was that there would be (a wonderful phrase this) "Job Eliminations" and, given my bosses words to me were if he was asked if he wanted to keep me he would say no.. I cant help but expect to be on that list. Frustratingly, not because Im not likely to be a useful person, but because my boss has spent the last 18 months of my employment (eg since he got there) seemingly telling everyone that Im a horrible person, and keeping me out of things I am good at leaving me with stuff that, well, to be honest, is deathly dull and so not striking my imagination, and any warnings I throw to him of impending doom.. he ignores.

And, I just spotted we ran the sunday month end backups on saturday and the saturday ones on sunday.. now to you and me thats really not that bad a deal as long as they work, sadly, if a certain app goes down a company get called out (and seem to take a couple of hours to run 1 command and go "Oh yes backups are running") and charge my employer for the privilage (license to print money, no one makes them prove why they were called out...!!) so I bet I get a shooting monday.

Welcome to the jungle

On wednesday night a film was on, called "Welcome to the jungle" I saw the first chunk of it, but got distracted, and the bit Id seen seemed fairly amusing.

So, on thursday when I flicked through the tv and found it was on (again!) I thought, cool! I'll watch that..

So..

My dad rang..

Yep, you guessed it almost the same millisecond it started.. so.. you guessed it, I missed it.

Thankfully, it turns out hubby has it on dvd, so Im watching it now.. Its not a *great* film, but its certainly better than plenty Ive seen and amusing, and no offense but funny stuff never seems rediculously funny any more, so, Im guessing if I had seen this like 20 years ago, Id have probably died of laughter.

Certainly a good film I think to watch, rated 15, so, theres no real swearing, no sex, nothing like that, its kinda a standard adventurey type film, when good comes out in the end.

Is this them?

My mother left our family to go off with some guy she had known a few months, she since married (we are lead to believe, especially if the last card I got from her a few years ago is to be believed..) We know they moved to the isle of wight.. Well, theres only 1 man there with the right name.


D.M Llewellyn
Tel: (01983) 873315 - Text Number
25 Paddock Dv, Bembridge, PO35 5TL - Map


Is this my step dad (wow that seems weird saying that) and my mother? She hasnt contacted me in a couple of years now, but, I cant help but wonder if this is them! Dont get me wrong, in many ways I dont want to find out, after all she is the woman who on a legal form wrote she had had no children.. so I now dont exist huh?? (no I wasnt adopted) She did so many things the wrong way, and could so have remained at least on speaking terms with her friends and family, but no, she chose to be crewl and vindictive towards every single one, including her best friend. So, I guess, she deserves to not know how things are with people she once cared for, but, at the same time, I cant help but wonder occasionally why she did it.

Photos

You may recall comments on photos.. So, heres some:





In fact, I will be posting my photos in general on Zooomr its a great site, and like so many good things, its free, or you can choose to pay such as I have.

I laughed so much, I cried

Now, the following 2 are I think, very funny



and

A ray of hope

I recently bought a new digi camera as you know. I debated long and hard, too long, too hard, bored so many people about it I think if I so much as mention cameras they kinda look for quick exits or glaze over and go into that "Yes dear" kinda nod..

So..

Here goes another bit on the camera saga..

My biggest trouble is what lenses to get for my nice Canon Rebel Xti (or EOS 400d as its called) as it takes lenses with an "EF" or "EF-S" fitting. My old film based camera, a Canon AE-1P doesnt, it takes FD fittings and so the big set of lenses I have for it are only good for the film one.. While potentially I could trade in my old lenses, then Id have none for the film camera should I want to use it..

However, hope has come! A friend knows of a canon EF-M that maybe thrown out! (See which is basically a newer version of my AE-1P but with the added advantages of the same lenses as the digi camera, resulting in meaning I could trade my lenses in *AND* still have a film based camera!!!

Heres to hoping (I would still have to be brave to trade those lenses in!)

How low can you go?

I went through a fairly severe depression around a year ago, now I feel like Im heading there again.

Reasons to be miserable:

1. The company I work for was bought out, they havent as yet decided who or how many they are keeping. Uncertainty has never helped anyone, you like to have money coming in at a reasonable rate. How is a new company going to honestly decide if Im able to be a future employee if a) they dont really know what I do now, b) dont know what I want to do, and c) (more to the point) have no idea what Im capable of, as no one has my CV!! (HR dont have one, due to the way I was taken on board - apparently)

2. One rule for one, one rule for everyone else.. This has always made me frustrated and angry and miserable, and well pretty much any instance of it can bug me, but the bigger it is, the harder it hits me. More recently like back in May and June when I didnt get my new karate belt and finding out in the beginning of August it was because the guy in charge had believed something that was never true, and didnt think to ask, now means its circling round again, now, once more, a bunch of people who *did* get to do their belt in May/June are now looking at their next one, and Im not because he was holding me back because of this misunderstanding, now I have to wait at least 2 more months before I can get mine, although its quite clear Im certainly as good (if not better than at least 1) as they are.. So, bascially this means its all screwed from here on out, I will now always be at least 2 months behind. This is making me very miserable, to the point if I hadnt prepaid for a year, Id have quit in the last few weeks.

3. Its appraisal time, last years was never signed due to I feel a lie stuck right in the middle of it, I have no job spec to be compared against, and it will be done by someone who says they dont want me there..

So, Im sorry Ive been quiet, but this has been growing slowly inside and I guess it was time to share it.

James Marsters (aka Spike from buffy)

I have to say this.

OMG HES 45!!!!! He so dont look it.

More photos...

So.. the photos continue..

Saturday saw Charlie and the revenge of the pink flower.

Today saw me back up the hill but the other side.




Theres plenty more :P

A bit long winded.. but.

So, after going on holiday, and cursing my camera for its pathetic battery life.. I took the decision to get a new one.

For most people this would be a simple task. Price vs use is usually a good decision point, features, too..

I ended up with an odd decision.

A canon EOS 400D or, a Fuji FinePix S9600.

The later is a newer version of what I had, the EOS is really semi professional...

For every good point a camera had, it had a down point, and both ended up in my eyes, equally balanced..

Having had a great holiday but returning with few usable pictures, I was determind to get the new one soon. I researched, and read, and bored the living snot out of everyone I spoke to.. (They must be so relieved today)..

The sweetest, kindest man, one of whom listened to my tale of turmoil over the cameras, turned out to be a camera man too.. He had in fact only very recently bought himself a new camera.. A Canon EOS 400D.. This amazing person turned round and offered to let me borrow his for 5 days, in fact till next monday if I wanted.

I got home, I played. A lot of what I produced was blurry.. (Ive since found out why.. I had asked it to create the greatest depth of field, pretty much at all cost, as a result it often picked the background as its starting point, or, the shutter speed was so slow anything including wind, made something move, or I breathed etc.)

But, my decision became clear, it had the most potential.

So, I ordered it on the "GIVE ME IT NOW" option on amazon - not the cheapest, but arguably more reputable than a number of Ebay sellers.. and the tomorrow option even if it was 5.30pm seemed good.

Today came, the call arrived.. It had come.. My kind hubby placed it on charge so when I got to it I could play..

As if in celebration, the sun came out.. I attach 2 photos I took today. I have shrunk them, but in no other way did I alter the picture.



Oh, Ive taken 70 photos so far, so with flash some without, and the battery hasnt even shown signs of not being full yet.. My last camera was doing about 8.....

Back home

Its hard to believe this photo was only taken a couple of days ago, when I sat in a chair in that very garden with the sea wooshing not that far away, for now I am home..

To finish our holiday we had a curry as a take out.. The order came, I thought it was a bit cheap till I realised when it got here, I hadnt actually ordered my food... only the side stuff to go with.. Sigh..

It was a long journey, Charlie enjoyed a swim in the sea, although was a bit scared when waves lifted him up, but fun was had by all (Id like to remind all dogs not to stamp, or grind on their owners paws when at the beach its exceedingly annoying).

We had lovely local fish and local made pasties, lots of sleep and no computers. It was great, exactly what we wanted. I spent more than I expected but I dont begrudge any of it.

Now, back to the rat race.. How disapointing.

On holiday!

Well its lunchtime Thursday, and the holiday is going well, I guess there was an element of disappointment in that the "beach" that was supposed to be 100m from the house is not a beach by anyones standard really, the sea is there but a concrete ramp and a couple of rocks isn't really a beach IMHO



Its nice though to sit on the bench against the front of the house wall and listen to the sea, or at night look up and see a ton of bats, and the night sky in such clarity its so impressive!! You clearly see the multitude of stars and the almost cloud the distant ones form, so much so you can actually find it hard to see the main constalstions because there are just so many stars there and none seem dim so to pick out brighter ones seems impossible!



Today, I sit outside the national seal sanctuary, while hubby goes in, there is a lot of walking to do in there and in a way, not a huge amount to see, well there is a lot to see and make you smile, but the predominant memory is of the walking.



I got some ok photos, but, all the ones of the otters they were moving far too fast, silly things, very active!



I hadn't reallised just how big some seals are.. One they had weighs 350kg!!! Holy fish Batman, that's a big seal, even so, he still looks very cute.



We found a beach for Charlie to play on, mainly sand and this afternoon the plan after getting some food is to go back and Charlie is going to go in and get very wet.

Our visitor

Today we had a visitor, sadly she didnt stay with us too long. I guess it was not sad, but, it was sad for us for she was very nice!

Her name is Amber, I found her, as only I would.. I was on the way to the vets to pickup some vitamin pills for my own furry friends and I saw this poor thing walking down a very busy road, limping like mad.. If you look closely at the picture, you can see her left ear has is all bunched up as she has cauliflour ear.. She had no collar and no chip.. sigh..

It turns out she regularly wanders off and has to be rescued. Im kinda annoyed by this, shes old, and shes lovely, how irrisponsible do you have to be to not chip her and stick a collar on her (see shes wearing one here and was quite happy in it)

She was pleased to see her daddy when he came to get her. All the limp and stiffness went as she bounced up to see him. It was good to see her happy and back with someone she loves - she didnt seem to mind us too much though, as she wanted to go home in my car. Seemed almost put out to go back in her Daddys.

This is the second dog Ive found with no collar, no chip. The chips cheaper than a few days of food, its painless and ensures should something happen and your dog gets away somehow, they can bring them back to you quickly. Why would you not do it????

Something fun!

So, I thought Id wave this at you - I have the drawing talent of a dead blind squashed worm.. yes, in fact that poor worm would do better than me. However, I found mandala painter it can create far better things than I can show you. But heres somethng Ive made that doesnt look too much like something died...




Oh and in case you're thinking "well she can draw really shes just being modest" .. no.. no no, believe me no.. I draw stick men and people ask me what they are.. Have a go! Oh and its written in delphi, like it could be any other way!

Updates

So.. A few updates:

Charlie is doing well. The pasta is keeping him off his paw as much as could be helped. The incision has healed over nicely, not that hes proud of scars etc.. but you can barely see it..

Brown has hurt her paw now in sympathy! Not entirely sure what shes done, but my bet is on she got her paw under the wheels of my computer chair as I moved at some point - seeing as she loves being there.. and I do try hard not to run her over.

Me? Ive just done my back in.. or tweaked it violently

Its superly sunny out there and once again..
IM IN HERE!!!!!

The blankets for the vets are coming on, Im trying to do the 45" one, but if I dont make it it could be one of the 27" ones needed.. However, the 45 is a good one to do as it is the biggest. So Ive been on the prowl for cheap wool.. At paying around 2 pounds per 100g ball.. and the littlest which was 15x28 took about 1.5 balls.... so, working on that you can imagine the 45 is likely to take 4.5 etc.. its going to work out expensive..

So someone pointed me in the direction of a thing called freecycle, however, they wouldnt let me post my post which read:

Ive taken on a task of replacing blankets lost by vets due to flooding, and would like any wool or yarn to make a torrent of blankets for the vets. If anyone knows of vets who lost some due to flooding, Id be happy to add them to my list.

Im hand crochetting blankets so its not a hugely fast process, but, at the same time, Ive done 3 so far..

Im sure furry animals wont complain about colour, however it should be fairly non fluffy or bobbly..

It was rejected because I havent posted an offer first.. Um, its both.. Considering the floods have been estimated to have cost the area over 500mil in damages, and Im asking to help provide, so its not like I even want it for me.. I feel thats pretty crap considering the purpose of the list, eg to recycle and make better use of stuff.. and its not like Im asking for anything expensive.. people on the list have posted microwaves, wardobes and generally stuff you can sell for good money on ebay...

Pasta Boy!!

So, Charlies had his stitches out now, but to prevent him walking on it we placed a dog poo bag full of dried old pasta in the bottom of his sock of doom.. Its proving very successful.

(Shame on you lot for not reading about him!)

Furbag..

Well, Charlie is feeling a little better, too much better at a guess, hes not supposed to walk on his leg for 3 months.. You tell him.. We've tried. it wont do it any favors either.

Poor Puppy!

As you all know I have 2 dogs, one tends to be talked more about than the other, as well one is more active and inquisitive and so tends to do more iteresting things..

Last year, Charlie hurt his leg, basically a dogs knee is held together by 2 ligaments.. He snapped both and his knee had to be rebuilt, this involves 3 months not walking and then small short walks and so on, building up.. well, he had kinda got to a point where he was able to be nice and active all over again...

As my last post mentioned, it got a little wet round here, and while we were uneffected, Charlie got some grass seeds in his front paw and it went pussy and sore, and so hes been a little down.. Well, bless him, hes seriously down now.

On tuesday we were having our usual walk in the park, and Charlie just stopped, hind leg up, just like last time (except the other side).. wednesday we went to the vet about the front paw and found also he had done his knee in, just like last time.. He had an operation thursday (yesterday) to make it better. Hes now very sore, and miserable and lying on the sofa.

I dont think he can find a comfy place to lie/sit..

It also seems I cant do much to help.. its very hard.. But Im here for him for at least the next week. Please think of him, and wish him well. He means the world to me

Irony

Stupid as it sounds, its ironic. We are flooded to the gills (not our house specifically but as an area) and ... we're out of drinking water, and in fact, any kind of water.. our taps are dry....

Predictions are it could be upto 2 weeks before water is restored!!!

Amazon you miserable bunch

** NO SPOILERS! **

So,

Having pre-ordered way back in 2006, they failed to get me my Harry Potter for yesterday, despite an email saying it was dispatched monday.

Pathetic, seriously pathetic.

Thankfully hubby scoured the lands and bought me one to read and whats more Ive read it.

My only comment on the book is that it lacks some of the detail of the last couple, and reads more like a film turned to a book than a book turned to a film as a result. However, its a mighty good read.

Calling Noah!! anyone seen Noah??

I dont think I need to say any more than post the following pictures which were taken (not by me) within a mile or so of where I live.









And a comment for my friend Chris: Im sorry I didnt believe you about the DC.. I do now!!!!

Iko Iko!!

OK, back in the 80s there was a film satisfaction starring Julia Roberts, IMHO, it was one of her better films, but it was still a pretty bad film.. However, from the first time I saw it till this very day, the verison of iko iko on it has stuck in my head.. It was apparently done by Justine Bateman, I just wish I could find a copy..

Deathly Hallows

So..

On Saturday the final book of Harry Potter comes to my door.

I'm seriously excited, I love these books, but at the same time my heart fills with dread and disappointment.. For, there will be no more.. Whether Harry lives, Voldemort dies, or Harry dies, Voldemort lives, sees the errors of his ways and becomes a goody 2 shoes, and head master at Hogworts, Hermione turns to prostitution or a magical nun..

It will be over..

The 7 book journey will be done.

There will be no more unknowns, no more looking forward to finding out what comes next..

:( sulk.

And to top that? digg and various other places have reported that the book has been leaked, and can be seen in photos page by page... Couldnt they wait a week? seriously... they want it to end?

Today @ work

Today at work I had to sit with an engineer who was fitting some hardware to a piece oh kit we already owned.

Let's be realistic here, he had to put in 1 card and 2 tape drives

Its 2PM... He arrived at 9.30 he's spent most of the day on the phone to either his colleuges or other clients, and, as yet, has not installed even 1 piece of kit

As I have to sit with him to make sure he doesn't steal any tapes or data, I have to say the last 4.5 hours of my life have not passed quickly or enjoyably. Playing beakout on my BlackBerry and dropping some random friends emails has been all that's keeping me sane... Its cold in here, and windy from the aircon, its a little like a long airplane ride except I am sitting on the floor and I can't eat or drink in here.

I am a little worried that the next 90 minutes will not see job complete, and that come hometime I shall still be sitting here, wondering if this is gonna end anytime soon....

PS - end note here: I ended up leaving work at just after 6pm, it was a seriously long day and so much more could have been made of today, but it was wasted sitting there in that cold room watching the guy on the phone.

Its all gone orange!

Finally

yes FINALLY!

I got my orange belt to night, well, actually I didnt, I qualified and paid for my belt, but he didnt bring it with him, so I cant have it till NEXT week.. Which I find highly irritating as basically this day was hopefully coming, we all kinda knew it was coming.. how hard could it be to remember to bring a couple of belts for people with him. Grr..

It would have been nice to go to monday class after my birthday with a nice new shiney belt.

Karate update.. The katas

Back in march I posted about 1st Kata, well, Im here to tell you I can now do the first 4!! Oh yes..

Taigyoku Shodan

Taigyoku Nidan

Saifa

Bassai-Dai

Now you can see all 4!

Tunisian blanket completed!!

Well, as I showed you before I was making a tunisian crochet blanket for a friend, heres how it turned out! (You can see a bigger pic if you click on it, to give you an idea its 196 stitches wide and 186 tall.. and was very slow to work)



So now onto my next work which is a rather cheap and easy blanket based on "granny square" technique.. Its already a good chunk bigger than this as it grows very fast. I havent decided wether this is going to be for Nikki the dog owner Im gonna meet up again with on wednesday or the lady at work whos baby is due in september..




If I finish this by wednesday, I will probably give it to Nikki, as it was so fast, if not, Alex can have it :)

The weigh in..

Im sure Ive mentioned Charlies need to lose weight, well.. today, at the weigh in he was a grand 33.15kg, to be honest.. if he doesnt lose another gram I wouldnt be disapointed.. Im sure he will be glad to see a tad more food each day now.

Awsome!

This is AWSOME. Normally I hate any classical stuff thats been "tweaked" but this, this is cool.

OMG the most tragic news.. like.. ever!!!

The spice girls announced today they have reformed..

Heaven help the world

Ever thought your brain was a whole new person?

Brains are annoying.. We've all got up to go get something, got there and cant remember what it was we came for, or, the remembering each evening before bed to do something tomorrow but tomorrow comes and the only time you remember it is just before you go to bed..

My brain seems to have something that annoys me..

Like many people, I suffer from self doubt, it comes in many levels, I hope for most people it comes at a time of stress, where as mine seems almost constant. Anything I've done, must be wrong, anything I do that I put value on, my brain is there nagging me that its crap or I'm making a mess of it, anything that I'm going to do, I fear I will forget, or it will go wrong..

In short, my brain is there telling me I'm a failure, I will always be a failure.

Even when half of me is proud of something, the other half is there telling me its crap, people will laugh, that its not something to be proud of, any moron could do it.

With all this going on in my head, I don't need people to tell me I'm crap, I'm doing that already, so, if I am told I'm crap at something it seems to hit me hard, not because I didn't expect it or believe it, but, worse, because its what I feared was true.

On the flip side, when I'm told I did something good, I don't tend to believe people, I'm embarrassed by it too..

This inner turmoil stops me doing many things, it interferes a lot with interviews, for while Im sure I could do the job, I cant prove to these people Im any better than anyone else, because inside, I'm not.. This inner issue also seems to stop me believing in people, and as I don't seem confident or I guess real to them, they don't seem to believe in me.

This leaves me feeling very left out, very miserable and very frustrated. Made worse then by all the rubbish TV programs where everyone who works together or knows each other seem to hug, and kiss and be overly (scaryingly) friendly, I am fairly observant, so its frustrating then to see/hear people at work having got together over the weekend, it seems all but me were invited. The problem is, the more I see/hear this the less I trust them, and I guess the less they trust me..

Sometimes I wish life were more like tv, where Id be better looking, and even if I were broke and jobless Id still have a nice car, a house and clothes and the like.

Smallville marathon!

Im sure like me you find yourself watching some tv programs even though you cant necessarily put your finger on why you like them. So far, the main ones for me have been Charmed, followed by Smallville. Well, with season 4 and 5 to hand, so far, Ive spent friday evening and all of today, and I do mean *all* .. watching smallville.. well, Im gonna run at soon, I only have 5 more episodes to watch!

Crochet update!

Its been a while.. so. the above is a corner of a baby blanket Im making for my friend Adam, aparently the babys due date is rescheduled till the 22nd June, but, Im still unlikely to make it as its maybe < 1/3 the size so far..

More karate

Today was a karate seminar, on kata - being routines you must learn to get your belts which are a semi dramatisation of a scripted fight, but you do it alone.

If you take a look here you can see a number of kata's, as an adult you need Taigyoku Shodan for the yellow belt, Taigyoku Nidan for your orange.. Ive been lucky, I also have learnt Saifa Im not hugely great at it, but, as I still have a yellow belt, I guess there is a lot of time to improve it. Today, I stretched that further with Bassai Dai its a long kata, but the training method used which is you do move 1, reset to start, move 1 and move 2, reset to start, etc is a good way to leave you remembering it at least for a day or so :)

Last tuesday Sensei for a laugh to demonstrate the power of this teaching method taught us all Sanseru which, Im kinda impressed I can remember most of, but that one is very much years away from me needing it. Technically I know enough katas now to take me through to red belt, you can see how that works out on the Grading syllabus

So, after reading that you can maybe understand my post Jaded even more, todays training was 3 hours, it was humid and Im ready for bed.

Good night.

Crochet update!

Well, I finished the blanket for my friends Pete and Sue and have started on the first of 3 baby blankets Ive promised to make. First is for my friend Adam and his wife Vicky, who I made friends with recently and well, Vicky was due to pop err, 5 days ago :P so I better get going! Next up will be a nice lady called Alex at work, followed by a good friend Adrian and his wife Jo (going in order of expetance)

Please do check out my work and comment.. Im beginning to feel like I only ever talk to myself!

Jaded

I lack a fair bit of self confidence, so, when a guy came to my door asking if I wanted to learn Karate I thought this might be good for me, gets me out, gets me fitter, and gives me a little more confidence I hope in maybe some situations where I perhaps may feel cautious or threatened..

Anyway, time moves on.

Ive been going now for about 7 months. Im beginning to get the hang of the simpler stuff, in terms of goal posts as go, much like most martial arts theres a coloured belt grading system, everyone starts off as white, then white with a yellow tag, then yellow, then yellow with an orange tag (which is where I am now).. so Id like to feel Im not doing too badly.

However, this weekend is grading weekend. Enough people who stand around me who put little effort in are going for their orange belts, and its been said, that if you get put forward its unlikely you would fail. Now.. firstly you must note, Ive not been put forward..

Why?

Well I got invited to go to a different class to most and those who attend this other class dont get to grade like the rest..

Thats ok, I dont mind..

Except, today I do.

Today there was a grading in this class, I didnt get my orange belt, yet those around me who I know are not as good as I (please please! note, this does not mean Im any good, but, I am and it has been mentioned a few times, much better than those in the normal classes I goto as a rule, and therefore, this just makes them crapper, rather than me better... ok?) and yet, they will be getting their orange belts, and so will be deemed better than me.

Im just really demoralised. Ive trained really hard, including practicing in my kitchen, garden, at work... and yet people who are currently commented as worse than me.. are going to be deemed better in me in the eyes of well pretty much anyone.. It would be like saying in a team game the better team didnt win.. if they were better they should have won.. so either Im seriously crap, or, they shouldnt win..

Its really bugging me

I really regret the fact Im going to this other class right now, as Im the most inexperienced person there and it feels like Im expected to be at the same level as these others who have trained for years, to get something most people get in 6-8 months. As it is, Im trying to do things probably a year down the line for those in the normal classes and I admit, sometimes not that successfully.

Its frustrating because I didnt start karate to be "best" at it, but, my biggest problem in life is that the rules always seem different for me, and here it is, slapped in my face, I have to be so much different to everyone else to get the same. At work everyone seems to get away with so much, yet I get shouted at for not covering up for them, when its their job and they dont get shouted at for not doing it..

Today really makes me feel completely crap.

June is here!

Wow, its the 1st June already...

Seems the house next door is having a party.. its like a set of drummers moved in, the musics not that loud, but all Ive heard for about 6 hours is.. drums.. Id yell, but my tonsils are sore again :(

Ive been quiet the last few weeks, sorry.. few replies make me realise Im mainly talking to myself..

HOLIDAY!!

Whee, I booked me a holiday today, its a week away in a cottage supposedly 100m (metres!) from the sea.. I cant wait. Sadly I do have to wait, the best part of 4 months, but., such is the way it goes.

BTW is anyone actually reading this??

Feeling better!

Well, if anyones reading this, they maybe glad to know Im feeling a lot better. Finally. My right tonsil still hurts, but the view with the torch is certainly less stomache wrenching than it was, it almost looks normal in there!

Having had this much time to myself, which I have to say has flown! I have done a bunch of crochet to my current project in the making, Ive played with Delphi, Ive watched some TV.. Im still far more tired than Id like, and the weathers been terrible, so I couldnt even snooze in the sun, which is nice and relaxing, although you should be careful so as not to turn into a beetroot and end up with sunstroke and all that.

The dogs have not understood once inch, they see me at home and expect me to be taking them places and doing things with them, not wishing they would go away and leave me in peace, in fact, the fact I havent been up to taking them for their hour walks each evening and have only done quick drag round the block has been upsetting, the looks on their faces can actually make you feel very guilty! If the weather doesnt pretend to be armageddon again today, I may take them for a short walk with the frizzbee.. Just to show I still care.

8am in the morning and already I feel I could do with a snooze :(

Tonsils

Well Ive been quiet for a couple of weeks, Ive got tonsilitis, with me having a second week off work, today saw an interesting side effect, I yawned and did an exercist style projectille vomit (yep I just had to share). I could go into many gross details.. but, I wont - I am cautious of those of you with gentle stomachs.. (wuss)

Hey, I had to share this most impressive thing ever you may recognise him as the guy from "Who am I" with Jackie Chan..

Im a sucker!

I just placed an order for a new USB pen drive

How pathetic is that?

Britains biggest earthquake!

Britain isnt known for its earthquakes, far from it, as land of the bland where we dont really get hurricans, tornadoes, summer, winter, torrential rain, or anything else.. Other things we dont have are active volcanoes and earthquakes - well we have minor quakes but to be honest as far as I have read 99% of them go unnoticed because they are either that small or less violent than a small truck driving past and people just dismiss it.

However, today.. 4.7 in the richter scale (spelling maybe wrong there) todays quake details

4.7 is the biggest one in england for a good while!

Part of the reason we dont have volcanoes and earthquakes of course is because we arent on any of the plate lines aroudn the globe, and while thats not the only cause of earthquakes, it is the major cause. Hence looking at things like Earthquake monitor you can see the older quakes in purple and see the follow the earth plate lines - yes a few are splatter off this but the majority are on plate lines.

I certainly didnt feel anything firstly, I was asleep, secondly, I think we are too far away from it to even have felt it even if we knew it was happening.

More memories

Im as sick as a parrot right now, to the point i had an appointment earlier but Im tempted to phone the doc already and say no, its gone a stage worse... But Im gonna try hang off, coz the next step would be hospital.. and we all know I dont like them now dont we..

Anyway, One thing you have to do is find things that make you smile, and I loved this song, cant really put a finger on why, but hey, i love this song.

Sick as a parrot..

I feel like DEATH, we shouldnt get ill, we should just die, well at least there would be less suffering.. OK OK, I dont mean it, but I feel really bad, I have an extreme temperature, a huge headache, my throat/tonils/glands are swollen, Im not sleeping, Im sweatting like well, a sweaty thing.. My skin feels like some form of new torture device as bits of it keep sparking with pain..

So, heres something to make you smile, I loved this ad, it sounds rushed now, like it should have been marginally slower, but, its still a good ad.

Memories!

A big big thank you!

I went to the opticians today, what a con that is, 175 pounds for a pair of lenses, which the "1hr stop shop" will have taken 3 hours to do start to finish.. sigh.. oh and I had to pay an extra for anti reflective coating despite not wanting it, as otherwise they'd have to "send off" for lenses which would be like a week... And if you could see my old ones, believe me, waiting a week wasnt an option.

anyway, I sat there with some lady who was waiting for her husband, and the 15 minute wait turned to conversation (as we british women do) and well, the short version is, I had in my pocket a voucher for 30 quid off a full set of glasses, which, had 2 parts, 1 for me, and 1 for "friend or family" .. so I gave them the friend or family one, why not, I dont know anyone else likely to go to the opticians in question, and well they would be using it, so, it was no skin off my nose..

So, I come out of my appointment having been told no my prescription hasnt changed - which was no surprise there, to find her waiting for me and I got a pressie of a pack of thorntons (best uk chocs!) mini eggs!! How kind was that.

So, to you mrs you really are kinda and wonderful and renewed my faith that humanity and manners arent long dead! May you and your husband have a great easter and life to come.

Post 201.. update on vids..

So, this is the 201st post.

Its not that deep and meaningful, I finished my DS9 watching, and have moved onto series 1 of house. At this point, its a little disapointing, theres only 2 series :(

I love house (I know Ive mentioned it before) I just love the fact he reminds me of me.

I also need to say it was a glorlously sunny bank holiday friday..

Today was almost a great day!

First Kata..

Ive mentioned karate a few times, and finally found this, which is a guy doing the first kata, I can do this!! (well maybe not this well I wobble on the big turn)

Fluffs!!

Todays dog walk was going to be like no other, Ive found a new park to take them to, we went there last week breifly, but due to the time we went, lots of other dogs were there today, as a result, lots and lots!

Charlie's leg is much better now hes using it far more like normal, in fact, its becoming unusual for him to treat it differently which is such a relief, but today was spent running around the park for an hour playing with other dogs, sniffing and being woofy, and he was back to his old self, the last few months have been stressful for I have worried for him a lot.

Fave songs..

Much as this may sound odd, this is a song with the most meaning for me, but its not actually my "fave", however, my world would be so very different without it, and the movie it came from (PS search for Electric Dreams, I think they pretty much put the whole film up!)

Everyone hates hairdressers..

Now, I have long hair, its kinda waist length ish.. and Ive seen 2 hair plats, one is the standard kind you were taught when you were a kid where you see that there are most definately 3 strands (say something like this) and then theres another called fishtails...

However, it seems this is one of those things you cant do to yourself..

grr

However, I did find this which while comical, is also deadly serious.. so many of these things are common sense and so on, but, an interesting read

I want a wee!!!!

OK, so I want a wii.. but hey, far more fun to write the title I did.

:( sadly it seems all the Wii's in the uk for sale are on ebay for about 2x their actual RRP.
But I do want one, and I came within a hair of paying 300 pounds for one! rediculous money.. but, I put my limit as 300, (with postage etc) and .. it came in 2 pounds more.. sigh..

2 people Im proud to call friends

Now, if you've ever seen the series on BBC tv called "grumpy old ".. and its theres a women and a men series, you'd know I fit in the grumpy old women section. I find children highly irritating, the world is not as it should, manners seem gone, children just seem rude, noisy, ill mannered, ungrateful and in general need of a good slap!

So, I feel that I need to tell you two, two children around 13 years old that I am proud to consider friends, Im proud to know and anyone who finds children as annoying as I would want to know too!

For their sake, I wont use their names, but theres a girl and a boy, they arent brother and sister, not even step brother/sister, but thats probably the nearest. The come from a big family, many in the family do not seem to share their manners but certainly these two do, they've not had playstations handed to them like they fall out the sky, they've not had much handed to them on a plate, they are prepared to work for things, and as a result, they come to karate, they dont mess about, they appreciate that their respective parents PAY for the lessons and as a result, they try. Dont get me wrong, they are kids, they have fun, they can be silly, they can get worked up over what are most likly trivial things. But, its almost funny, but they find most of the other kids, annoying. Just like I do, they wish they would shut up, would try, would have some respect and the boy gets so frustrated when people mess around. The girl has respect for peoples posessions, they are both very observant about people, their reactions, their feelings.

Sure there are kids out there who have had harder lives, or who deal with great adversities but, in someways those kids have had strong reasons to grow up faster and have forgone a lot of their childhood. These two have found what Id like to term the "perfect balance" they do have fun, they are kids, but they have all the values us grumpy old farts want to see in kids.

I wish, I wish of all things, that there were more kids like these two. If these two came to me and asked to stay the night, Id have no quarms in having them in my home, heck, I would trust these two to have a door key and let themselves in if I werent there.. any of the others I wouldnt even want through my front door unless I was going to be allowed to treat them as my own, eg, you do something dangerous or repeatedly wrong without care and thought.. you get a slap.

So, while Im not a drinking person. Please, hold your glasses up to these two. For they really really are, great kids. Im proud to have met them, and honored that they consider me a friend.

Chain letters

Normally I hate chain letters as much as the next man, but, this I actually thought was beautifully well written and if it dont make you cry, you must be very very strong.

Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.
You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.

They say it takes a minute to find a special
person, an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them, but then an entire
life to forget them.

Send this to the people you'll never forget and
remember to send it also to the person that sent
it to you. It's a short message to let them know
that you'll neve r forget them.

If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're
in a hurry and that you've forgotten your
friends.

Return of HOUSE!!!!

I love House. why? not sure, I just find it great to watch someone whos so ingenius, screwed up but ingenius, yes I know its not real, but its very well done.

Much as I love CSI, I know that in reality the events of most shows would take years, but, the again its the portrayal of people like Gil Grissom, who again, seems kinda messed up but at the same time is a complete genius.

A new series of House starts thursday, I really really hope I dont forget!

Holo suite

So, we've all seen the holo suits from star trek, they can take you any where, any time etc, I wonder what would you do, if you could only ever have 1, would you go past, present or future, real or fantasy, you cant break rules of science so you'd have to retain your body, gravity, etc.

In my DS9 watching stint, they have quite a few holo suite references, obviously theres the Quark's style of holo suite for a more personal effect, and I guess you could have that as your only one, but you could meet anyone, be anywhere..

It got me thinking as to what Id have...

Stress

I apologise for having gone a little quiet. Those who know me off blog will know Ive had a tough couple of weeks with something and while I would desparately love to express it all here, until something major in my life changes, I know best to keep it off anywhere public, for it can be used against you.

Just know I feel very very low, frustrated and at this time it doesnt look like it will be getting different any time soon.

On top of that, my body seems to be trying to have some kinda heavy cold or flu, Im cold, sweating, ache like nothing else, my bronchial tubes feel like they are on fire, Im coughing and my head feels like its in a vice but made of mush.

YAY! YAY! YAY!

Its over!
Its finally over!

The revenge of the jumper is actually finished!

The worst realisation hit me.. I want to knit me a jumper.. NOOOOOO!!!!

That was the the week that sucked..

Ever had a week that you can only say it sucked.. yet, not because a hugely bad thing happened, in fact, far from it, everyone could understand that, no one would be surprised, just oneof those weeks where everything niggled and nibbled at you constantly, over the stupid tiny things, spilling something on your clean top, that kind of thing, well I had that week.

Culminated by my boss who had asked for a list of computers and their memory, having been given it, then asking for the actual chips in it.. which wasnt what he had asked for, plus he'd actually written by 30th March too.. not 16th feb which was when he said..

I got kicked real hard last week at karate, so, I swear.. if that guy and I spar again... Im going for the soft bits.. Im sorry but I couldnt put my arm on a desk for 4 days.. I wont be holding back.

Revenge of the jumper

So.. for all of you who followed the jumper that turned into the world biggest mess, you may recall (Im sure its mentioned) that Im workingon revenge of the jumper.. This one looks to be going more to plan, its got a few dodgy bits in it, where it look slike holes but they arent.. I promise.. I dunno what they are, but they arent holes made in a traditional way anyway..

Repeat after me: I HATE KNITTING

so, tonight, its 10.30pm, I just finished the front, so Ive done front and back now..

2 sleeves and the neck to go, not much in comparison it has to be said - although, scaryingly did you know, the top of your sleeve is nearly as wide (when flat eg not in a tube shape) as the chest??

However, I am rejoicing in the fact I could kinda sew it now and call it a tank top :P

You yellow bellied FOOL!

Today I graded and succeeded in getting my yellow belt! I am now 8th kyu. I actually watched the kids do theirs (ok, small people of less than 13 years of age) and for them to get a yellow belt they just have to do the various kicks, punches and blocks we have been taught, in essense its just another lesson.. Once they move on , they need to learn the things the "adults" (those greater than 13 years old) need to do..

One thing I found in a way quite horrifying was how sloppy some of the higher level belt people (adults and children) were, I believe (and could be wrong) belt colours go, white, yellow, orange, green, blue, red, brown, black, but I saw people with orange belts (who now have green ones) who were very sloppy, I know Im not worthy to say it, but Id like to think if *I* had done that I wouldnt have passed..

So, the new car is here!

I would have posted last night but everything was timing out, and well it was just a mess.

I have my new car, my probe is gone :(

However, in a way, if you believe in these things you might want to think of this.

Last decent snow I remember, I was a kid. Since then, I have never been to work in a decent amount of snow, nor have i not made it to work because of snow.

Having bought a new car and been in a stinky mood.. I took today and tomorrow off. Guess what I woke up to today?



Yep, thats my garden.. oh look.. SNOW!

its still snowing, so, Im gonna wait till its deeper then head out and laugh at people .. mwhahahaha.

This wouldnt be so funny if it wasnt true

I cant say any more than this

ARGHHHH!!!!

So, today starts with a call from an external group who monitors some of our servers saying it didnt come back after the month end backup and that they cant get in.. To the non technically minded of you think of a cluster in the following terms, its usually made of 2 or more computers. So, lets call them A and B.. they are the 2 halfs that can claim to be this "cluster", we'll call it C.

When A and B are running this C can be on either computer, it doesnt matter, no one can tell, and thats exactly what they want, they want it so if one of the 2 computers A or B dies, C continues without issue, and that after maybe a brief delay, the other computer will take over, but no one need know.

So.. When the cluster isnt running there is no C.. you cant connect to it.. you have to connect to A or B.. as thats all there is, 2 individuals called A and B.. apparently this is too hard for the support group who are supposed to be "experts" to understand

So
While explaining this for like the umteenth trillionth time..

I get a message on my phone.. so I call them back

My cars not going to be ready today... ARGH ok, now Im getting a bit mad, why? Well, I had psyked myself up for this, the parting of my beloved car.. and now.. its not happening.. not today anyway.. Most likely tomorrow.

So.. the day goes on..


So Im doing some work find some faults with a crappy product we use, so I reported it, entered my details my work number, finally, it said how do you wish to be contacted, phone, email or web.. email says me..

A short while later.. my personal mobile rings... its them.. Email me like I asked.. I hang up.

I check the call.. the call says my desk number.. and contact by mail.. so I log a call on the website saying their website isnt keeping settings correctly...

I get a call.. its them.. apparently the dont phone please email in big letters was too subtle.

So, I find another bug.. so I go through the polava again, making sure I check the phone number.. nope deffinately desk number, and contact by email....

So the phone rings..

FFS people.. when it has a big paragraph about not getting the email updates and dont call me by phone.. PLEASE do not call me, PLEASE do email me.. Unless you want either a stream of cuss words or to be hung up on.. then do feel free to call coz I will be exeedingly mad..

Oh, they also ask your hours of working.. Im gonnna bet that if I check my webmail now.. theres a "you havent responded" message - despite me having had to declare my hours of working to them.. Wow, no, but they did respond after the time I declared I would go home, so Im kinda expecting one first thing in the morning then.. oh well..

Today has just sucked from start to finish.

doom and gloom draws ever nearer

Tomorrow is rushing upon me like a stampeed of wild beasts, and the moment to part with my car will be upon me.

Karate today was vaguely successful a girl from the thursday class turned up and shes nice, and she struggles with similar stuff to myself, so it was nice to be paired withher as it meant it was very even.

I should be going for grading on sunday, Sensei is going to come to my house as Ive no idea where it is, and I'll drive him there.

Tomorrow is going to be sad.

Cars

This is hard for me to explain.

For some reason I get very emotionally attached to my cars. Ive only ever had 2 for which I didnt feel any form of remorse when I either was forced or felt best to part with them for one reason or another.

And, because of my dog and wishing to make his life easier and being semi practical about life, a time has come to change my car.

I currently own a very happy and well loved ford probe. top of the range, all the mod cons, goes like the clappers, has never let me down, (other than the lock froze the other week when it was very cold), but, a sports car is not dog friendly, the leather seats and claws wont work, having a boot that comes to my waist is not easy for a dog with an injured leg to bounce into.. a cd player is not comfy for them to lie on, and well, it seems its time to come to buy a new one.

So, last weekend my hubby took me to the place we bought my current car from to see what they had. One thing I hate more than anything is boring cars, and well most modern cars are boring.. And Im also tight with my money so to be honest, I didnt want to spend any money, the car I have is a good car, but, we're trying to be practical.. So, we look around the lot, I dont like small cars (so if you sit in the drivers door and can touch the passenger window without leaning.. no chance), I dont want a girly car, I dont want a merc A class (would rather die), or a BMW.. so.. there werent that many choices within the price Id spend and the car Id get .. it came out as:

A T reg ford focus about 3.5k
A V reg landrover freelander 5k
A V reg corvette 20k
A mondeo .. dont know the exact year or price.. why? it was a hiddeous colour put me right off

now.. (the prices are the numbers at the end btw) now the corvette is obviously somewhat expensive, but it is a seriously nice car, so much as I wasnt going to buy it, it has to go on the list as well Id buy it given half a chance.

So, the ford focus, the most practical of the 2, its a 1.6, black.. unfortunately theres a girl in my office, almost same age as me.. owns an almost identical car, this could be its twin, same year, same colour, same model.. so.. no offense world.. keep it.

So, a Landrover freelander, its a 4x4, its petrol - would have been slightly nicer if it was diesel but, there you go, it was a nice enough colour - black would have been better but a second hand car, you cant always pick what you want. Its a very deep metalic red. 5 doors, dont need 5, a 3 door would have been nice, but to be honest, its not so bad, doesnt quite have the ac/sunroof etc that my current one has and Im gonna miss it, but, its very dog friendly

This is my current car the grey one


This will be my new one

Today, my current car and I went for a drive, for me parting with a loved car is like a relationship break up, for today we went for a drive we had a huge amount of fun, and then came.. the talk. The one where you explain its not its fault and that you love it, but that its over.. Parting with the probe feels wrong, previously when parting with a car it was either because of total infatuation with a new one, or, major painful loss of an old one, this one is for practical terms, and it feels like going home just before the end of the film, just missing say the last 5-10 minutes, it just feels like its a teeny bit too early.. Not that it shouldnt happen, just that theres a little more life and goodness in it yet.

But, come tuesday its going to be a hard day. Its going to be very emotional behind the scenes. Dont get me wrong, I am looking forward to the freelander, Im sure hes going to be fun, just in a very different way. My probe knows his time is up, a bulb failed in his head light this morning so he only has 1 eye. He looks a little sorry for himself - I took a number of pictures and its sad his parting photos will have him with 1 eye, but I do have a number of photos of him, looking happy on our driveway, hes in very good condition, I just hope his new owners when they find him will love him even half as much as I do.. Id hate to think they dont.

I guess it feels like it would parting with one of my dogs because a land lord has said I cant keep them but I can have a cat.. I can love a cat, theres nothing wrong with the cat, and so on, but, Im parting with a friend and I want to think that he will go to a home where hes loved and given the same love as he gets now.

Enterprise :P

So, I finished TNG.. Im on Enterprise now!!

Debts

Have I ever talked to you guys about debts?

Nothing I find more annoying is the attitude to debt on tv. "ooh Im so indebt, I cant afford my bills each month, we spend more than we earn" ... deep soothing voices says "Does this sound like you?, well we can help, take out a loan and all will be great, you can do it over the phone, we wont turn you down" .. what should happen is a little red man with horns and a pointy tail appears saying "just sell me your soul"..

in nearly every ad about debt solutions they make out they can make your debt less.. yeah by streatching it over the next 400 years, so while you may only pay 20 units of currency a month, you'll be paying it long past your death and at an interest rate that out of that 20, 19.99 is interest.

But worse still..

the ones that have the person who was supposedly in debt talking to their "friend" later saying "Oh we got the loan we even had *money left over* so we went and bought a new car/on holiday/got a conservatory" .. err..

the "new" car featured is usually *new* not just as in new to them, and a conservatory costs generally at least 10k even for a naff one.. Im sorry, but these people were struggling to afford stuff, now you have them on a loan for a long time to come so even though they maybe paying less instead of having to live tight for a couple of years its now say 10.. and on top of that you conned them into borrowing well more than they needed! These people dont have money, what part of this is unclear??

What made me write this rant? theres a thing on tv about a couple - the sounds off, but they were in debt so bad they felt the best thing was to emigrate.. some family member paid off their debts and so .. err, they went to australia on the way to where-ever they were going.. and well are shown in a plush hotel, drinking a lot, smoking.. um.. if they had no money.. how did they afford this? Im not sure I could afford a trip to australia, let alone the plush hotel, the constant all day drinking shown... yet these guys were supposed to have no money at all.. Australia was not where they were planning to emigrate to.. (from the captions anyway) they only went to Australia to "Pick up a package" um.. yeah, just popping out mum, need to go to australia for a beer.. dont think so.

Saturday comes around

So its saturday, my new year decision to watch all the startrek next gen episodes is almost complete, to go along with this, first contacts about to be on tv, with insurection tomorrow!! yay

Startrek ftw!

I apologise for being quiet recently, havent had a lot to say I guess, Karate is going well, my friend Kellie is hoping to come for her first less on Monday, she was originally going to come this week but shes put a rib out coughing, and so the rest was probably a good idea.

I would have gone to thursdays but I was working.. Well more acurately watching a progress bar for most of 2 hours - exceiting huh.

Well, I apologise deeply for lack of posting - but then, I also wonder just how many people have even noticed my absense, its a little like that if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise.. thought..

Cute!

A zoo has placed a number of webcams online for us all to share, other places have done similar.

See lots of animals here

Meet 3 people who made me who I am!

To give you some idea I was an only child, and had few friends. The day I met these 3 people.. changed my life!

See here

Happy new year!

Well 2007 is here, the sun is shining, the sky is blue! In fact, its not a bad day at all.

I dont really do new years resolutions, but, if I have one, its not to waste so much of my time. For example, Ive been off the last 2 weeks and I cant help but look back and other than watching a ton of startrek, posting a large number of posts on forums and newsgroups about delphi, I cant help but think Ive actually done little with my time, and cant help but regret that this is a waste.

So, my only resolution stands : I will try harder not to waste my personal time doing things I wont remember when I look back. So, less gaming, less faffing around, and more reading, more coding, more crochet, more exercise, more pointful things.

Of course, its bound to fail, Im a lazy cow, but, today, Id like to think rather than "just watching startrek" I will do other things, code or crochet comes to mind.. I had projects in mind for this christmas period coding wise, and I did none of them. My crochet has grown but not half as much as it could have given the time.