Thursday, June 29, 2006

To all of you who can..

You may have read my post about me getting the all clear. I have a friend, her name is Karin (hehe if she reads this) and she had non hodgkins, and was in the same time as me. Im a fat lazy cow, she is not. Shes doing a sponsered walk for a help with cancer fund..

Any of you who can help them, it would mean a lot to both of us, and anyone whos ill to come and your money helps find a fix for them too.

Donate a few $ here

I wouldnt normally post stuff like this, but, well in light of my recent news.. how could I not.. and yes, Im sponsoring her!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Yay!!!

Demolition man is on on sunday!!!
I love that film.

HURRAH!

Now, because I started this only this year, despite all the waffle I've laid down, you don't necessarily know a huge amount about me.. Today is a flash back moment for you

In September 1999 I was diagnosed with leukaemia. I was in remission by about October (despite being given slim chances of survival, and lots of rot in that direction), anyway, to make sure I was well they did 3 more lots of chemo, the first lot despite removing the problem didn't actually make me that ill, I didn't lose my hair, etc, but the next 3 made me very ill and bald as a coot.

January 2000 (yeah I was in hospital Christmas and new years.. Oh joy, those are whole nightmares of their own) I was given the last batch, but it was April before I got out!!

After that there were daily, then weekly, then monthly, etc through to finally, yearly, checkups.. Where some nurse would take some blood (I'm needle phobic) and then someone Id never met before would tell me I was fine and book my next appointment.

It sounds so simple doesn't it

Well, its not. You see, I had had none of the warning signs for leukaemia, so I couldn't have known it was coming, so each time they test me, if they didn't like the results the idea would be, they would keep me in, treatment can be as long as 2 years.. Imagine going for a quick stabbing (my term for blood test) and not knowing if you'll see your house and stuff for 2 years.. Maybe even never.. Or, within a few rather long and dull hours you'll be walking out just wishing that they didn't waste those hours of your life.

Over the last couple of months, without official diagnosis mainly because so many doctors in general don't give a monkeys hide, most people I know would classify me as clinically depressed, not just "a bit down" but really fundamentally miserable, work is sucking to a level where a black hole would be jealous. Personal life, such as it is, is also somewhere near an all time low.. Along with those monthly girly things, and a stabbing?? I really can see why people might do it you know?? But I'm a coward it would hurt, that and, my self confidence is also 0, and says, Id stuff it up.

You might now be puzzled as to why this post is entitled "Hurrah"

good :P

so, its 2006, I've been healthy for 6 years now, and a bit, having sat for around 2 hours and the will to live slowly ebbing away as it does when you wait for things like that staring at all the really ill people wishing they'd deal with them and leave you alone.. Finally, it was my turn.

I went to be stabbed, I warned the poor woman (who looked like 200 years old) I wasn't good with needles and once it was in, it would be fine.. Just like do it quick before I run..

So, good on her, she did get it in quick and it didn't hurt (too much)

she put the test-tube on the end, and wouldn't you know just as the blood first squirts in (and usually hits the end of the tube).. It makes a run for it.. Yes, an inanimate test tube pegged it across the room like a torpedo.. I'm beginning to panic now thinking maybe my blood pressure is so high I can do that to it they'll keep me.

Thankfully the second tube didn't do it, and sufficient blood was taken, bandaid applied to the hole and I'm sent, back out to wait.. Like waiting for death.. (it really feels like it, I'm sorry)

Finally, much nearer 3 than the original 12.45 appointment ever should have been, I get the summons to the drs room.

how are you, any issues, blah blah blah..

for the first time in certainly 5, possibly most of 6 my husband had come with.. And for the next bit, I am so glad he was there..

the guy opened his mouth and said, "its been 5 years" .. (5 years is a big thing with cancer).. I grabbed my poor hubby's arm, I swear he'll have bruises to show for it.. "You don't have to come any more if you don't want to"..

Now, half of you wants to open your channel tunnel sized mouth and say "I hate ****ing coming here, I've sworn more times than I can remember Id rather die than go through treatment again, of course I don't want to ****ing come again you muppet" .. But you don't.. They seem to be so unaware of how demoralizing it is to come with this hanging over your head.

I thanked him and told him how happy I am in a good way not that they weren't nice enough people that I wouldn't have to see them again.

My husband would never have believed me if Id come home and said "Hey, they never need to see me again".. He knows how much I hate it, (that's why he was there) but he'd have thought I was faking to never go.

the consultant briefly reminisced as he knew my consultant from when I was treated in London, and I recanted a story that made him smile..

and finally, today, only a few weeks before my birthday.

I got to leave the clinic, free, never having to return.. I am to all intense purposes..

Cured.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Aha! A lifetime revelation!

Many people my age are unhappy, unhappy that life on tv was shoved down their throat and reality couldnt be further from the truth, the films of starting as janitor in a company and being the vice president within a week because "you were good", the girl takes off glasses and shakes out hair and suddenly goes from phat ugly to model.. that and..

Macgyver. He taught us to be resourceful, he taught us good morals, but he also made us believe that people like us would be liked everywhere we go.

No, companies see you as a liability, if you arent the lemming of life then people dont like you, you're different. Being different is not always good. Being individual is, but being different isnt.

Im different, or at least, it seems that way. Ive always done what I knew I could live with, few regrets, explained to people the problems I had, hid little, Im a little of all the things I was brought up on. All those tv programs sadly did sink in. I try not to screw people over, but in turn I dont want to put up with them screwing me either. I try and believe people have a good innner core, that theres always ways, that you can achieve things..

Sadly, I seem to live my life disapointed..

As my hubby presented me with the set of macgyver... Im watching through them and realising, its stuff like this that has made me disapointed as I grew up expecting I could make a difference.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Been quiet..

Last few days have been non eventful, I've been coding a little, but All in all, its just been kinda dul.

A friend got some terrible news Sunday, our new boiler went in Sunday, my dads dog was rushed to the vets Sunday... Since then we are all thankful that nothings happened..

The current crochet project is not going fast, making tiny blocks like that is time consuming and I have no idea how I am going to sew them together at the end

Monday, June 19, 2006

Something to keep you amused (or annoyed)

Ive always loved the amount of effort some people will put into flash games.

I found these today Submachine and Submachine2 all good clean fun and great to keep the mind busy.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Holy cow!

Well, the nice plumber people came to service our boiler, previously we had had an issue with a company who we took a contract out when we had a problem with it, and within a couple of months claimed we had no contract, so we took one out again as we couldnt find our paper proof (it was not long after we moved in, so we would still have had it but finding it could be a challenge) and again a few months later they claimed we didnt.. so it never got serviced after that..

Sadly, our boiler is dead..

This means, no hot water, no heating..

No heating isnt a problem its like 28C out there, but no hot water ?? no washing, no washing up, no baths.. no showers...

Its hoped the new one will arrive to be fitted sunday.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Equality at its finest

Before you groan, no this isn't a gender thing, this is a because its anyone but "me" type thing

We've all had things at one point that weren't fair, if someone else had (not) done something it would have been fine, but it seems because it was you.. It was a problem

I had a couple of days off around the weekend, a total in fact of 2.5, our service levels grant is supposedly 5 days to do pretty much anthing, so, it seems because some servers went live and they weren't checked for all the things they needed (I should say here the servers aren't my problem) and the protocol for keepinging time in sync ntp wasn't working, and I wasn't there to correct a firewall rule they hadn't asked for.. Its me that's been blamed for it all.. Yet the guy who got the firewall rule wrong is allowed to not deal with requests for months, and get them wrong with no repocussions. So, hence I am mad that I've been blamed for having a very short period of time off, in fact my only time off so far this year really and no more planned, but its fine for these same people to remove all admin rights by mistake and generally screw up on a regular basis

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Work can sure suck sometimes

Following my wonderful time at the formula one over the weekend the return to work has been knee high in frustration and stupidity..

So glad the week is over half way through already

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Poor Button!!!

Wether you watch the F1 or not, this story is sad.

Imagine being a young promising driver, until race 5 or so you had the highest qualifying average, eg, you'd been in the top few for each and every race.

Now you come to your home race. And the race officials pick you for the spotcheck weight test, you're currently in 3rd place for qualifying.. by the time they're done.. qualifying time is over (!) and you're now in P19... right at the back.

Now, today in the race, you move up to P11.. you're on the move, you're doing great... only for your engine to catch alight on lap 9.. and have to retire.. in front of all your fans..

He must be as sick as a parrot.

Whats actually quite cool is knowing where we sat, we can see ourselves on the footage.. Will try and extract a frame with us in !! (You can see us behind poor Button catching on fire)

Saturday, June 10, 2006

4am??

grog.. its 4am.. I am I think alive.

Friday, June 09, 2006

I finished!!

I finished the 4 chair back things for my dad

Sadly it seems blogger wont upload pictures (tried 2 different browsers now, and asked them for help to no response.. argh its a known issue apparently.. I just wish the welcome page had an up2date list of it, rather than having to hunt around.)

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Somethings are just wrong

Now, as there maybe children watching.. I wont be that graphic.. but.. I hope this guy ROTS I hope that all that is bad and evil infests this guys life from now till he dies, and beyond.. why?

I dont even see how this was biologically possible.. I mean.. Just how could he???

(read the artical that spawned this rant)

Yesterday...

Well, yesterday was my wedding aniversary, went to tell you about it but blogger was having a moment.

Well, Im on vaccation till tuesday now.. Mmm.. the days are filled with opportunities, I'll probably not do much today and monday, but hey.. its my choice!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

oh and 3 down 1 to go!

Im now about to start the last of the chair things for my dad!! whee!!

The stock pile forms

OK, I mentioned the curse of ebay.. and that Id bought enough wool to see me to the end of time, and patterns to match.. Well, *HALF* the wool has arrived.... The postman must think Im a freak.. He had to leave it with our neighbours as we were out, but, it was so much, he left the sack.. you dont believe?? heres a pic

A smidge of bling??

I dont know what else to say but see this and look at number 8.....

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Day of rest

Ever notice sundays always fly by??

Its midnight oops I get up at 6 .. better make it quick.

Ive ordered more things on ebay, sigh.. Im half way through chair back 3! yay ..

Ive enough crochet patterns to sink a ship :) I found some free sites and saved them all.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

The curse of ebay

Ive been quiet I know, why?? Ive been crochetting and unpicking and recrochetting like a demon I swear Id probably be mostly through the 3rd one of the set if it wasnt for the number of mistakes I keep finding that arent like "oh well never mind" status..

So, ebay.. I need to explain here, Im a tight wad with my money, I am the person that picks coins off the street, Im the person who walks around with nothing in their wallet so they cant spend it, Im the person with the savings account and Id rather go without food than take money out of it.. so.

Why do I spend so much time buying on ebay?? I *HATE* shopping, cant stand it, but because I can sit here, and pretty much anything I want I can find.. and buy, and often cheaper than bothering to leave the house.. This week Ive bought enough wool to well keep me going till the end of time at a guess.. If Id ordered a bit more Id need to empty the garage just to store it, its a rediculous amount, Ive bought at a quick guess Im supposing its over 25kg of the stuff.. (thats a lot btw thats like 60, I also bought a few stitch markers, oh and a new set of bathroom taps!! (We always wanted one with a shower thingy attachment)

Ive probably spent over 200 pounds in the last month or so.. sigh..

I need to quit ebay, but I cant, coz everything my heart dreams up is there, at a good price.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

F...F...F...F..!!F..F..!!!!

ARGH!!!!

OK, so I unpicked lots of the second item yesterday.. redid most of the unpicking last night, was finishing it off and...

I only had 56 stitches at the beginning not 57 as I swear I counted a billion times..

I had to unpick the lot..

(I am so mad!!)