Recent quietness

I apologise for the recent queitness, following the karate thing, where my black belt dream was shot to shreds, I went on to qualify as an instructor instead, which then lead to more issues in that, while I qualified I only wanted to be an assistant. Not because Im scared of the responsibility, but, because I believe "Sensei" should be a really all knowing individual, not someone who frankly could be a lot better. This caused me much stress, because as it turns out despite the talk of how B&W belted people get this, that and the other.. Only if you run your own class - this wasnt made clear, and while I didnt do it for the freebees or whatever, it was then the fact it was only me who didnt count.. This made me sad and frustrated.

So now I have a class of children who would be a great advert for lack of attention

I also then pretty much the same day lost my temper and came to the end of my tollerance with my husband (hence the blog name change) and locked him out - after checking I could legally do so. I had had enough.. Then, when he didnt come collect stuff in the allotted timescale, I packed stuff only to find out things between us were worse than I thought, I found paper proving his lies had been greater than I had even given him credit for, and that I was deffinately doing the right thing.

Also around this time work gave me notice that they felt I was a useless employee and I had 90 days to prove otherwise.

So, where am I today.

Im about 45 days through the work thing, they are still convinced Im useless, depsite the fact Im trying, and despite the fact that someone else is telling people not to help me..

Karate, I graded the day before I through hubby out, and it was a hard grading too, but, Im actually pushing to grade to my next belt asap, so I can help 2 of my best friends towards their next belt and to do so, I feel I need to be allowed to use the same tools they do. (sweeping, spinning kicks and of course, learn their kata)

Husband? Well, hes not going to contest divorce and hes agreed to be reasonable about the whole splitting of stuff - so, it looks like a blood bath is averted, but, its still a very downward feeling. Even though its what I want, Im kinda a bit at an end..

My choices seem small, Im fed up with job, Im fed up with so much and few things I can choose sound better. Seriously, Id go shelf stacking if I thought I could live from it, just to get away from the crap at work, but its not what Id enjoy, I know, but, I need to do something or somewhere else..

Im sure a number of you (small number that you are) will have found me on facebook.. I tend to do a more daily thing there, but in less detail because well, while this isnt truly "anonymous" its less linkable to me, and sometimes while I want to part with things like this post, I dont really want everyone to know me if they stumbled on it, or like facebook there are friends who I wouldnt want to see some posts..

You arent forgotten.

Falling for the gimic!

Ever watched tv and had that want to buy something, yet you know in your heart either

a) its too good to be true for the price
b) you wont use it as much as your brain is telling you it will
c) you cant really afford it

Well.

Things like bread makers and so on tend to fall into this category, simply because you dont *NEED* one, but, somehow you want one.. For the bread maker its that pour a bunch of stuff in a container, pick a number, hit go, come back in a couple of hours to a great hot nice loaf, you didnt spend ages kneeding or stretching, or moving around, sitting in some spot waiting for it to rise.. you just fed it, and get to eat it a while later..

Here it seems we see more darn cooking programs than you can imagine, if its not new ones, its repeats, theres currently at least 4 cooking programs on a day on just the 5 terrestrial channels, let alone additional freeview/satellite channels.. seriously you could actually just watch cooking programs all day..

One thing they have been harping on about for a while now all these programs is

making your own pasta

So.. I got me a pasta maker, from amazon.
I need to stress just how much I *HATE* city link who are a useless waste of space, a delivery company who it can only be termed "lie" to you, who only deliver during working hours (funny, how do you think we afford the stuff we ordered??) who try twice, or rather claim to try twice, and then demand that you PAY for them to come again.. But in this weeks incident, having told them to leave it with neighbours, didnt bother, so I had to go collect, I phoned to check it was there, was assured it was, spent best part of 45+ minutes in the car getting there.. to be told.. "Oh hes broken down and is ".. about half mile from my house.. but. noooooo, couldnt drive back and meet the guy noooooo.. So, it hadnt been there when I called to check, I had spent 45 minutes+ in my car to be told it wasnt there.. Not a happy bunny

So, I refused to leave without it.

They obviously sensed trouble :P funny that.

anyway, just as one of the drivers had taken pitty on me and was going to get them to redeliver free of charge, and get the guy to ring my mobile so I could go home and collect it and all that.. mr "I broke down" arrived ..

I had left home about 4.45, I got back home... 7.30

it was too late to start with the idea of making pasta.. so it got put off

I made it tonight

Much like the others who mentioned on amazon that they had issues clamping the device down, I did too, because my kitchen top hasnt enough of a lip to clamp things to, but, to be frank you can hold the machine with one hand and turn the handle with the other..



This was the pasta before I cooked it. I did fear the first lot would look bad, especially as I hadnt exactly got lovely straight sheets (like lasagne sheets) prior to putting through the cutters to turn to strips, but.

I think that turned out pretty good!

The decisions ripple..

Its amazing how one small decision can ripple.

When the new year hit, I made myself a resolution of being a black belt by the time I was 40, only to be shot down the first karate sunday when they announced they were closing that class.. Straight after lots of plans had been made on how I would achieve this with sensei.

So, to plan B.

At this point my plans of grading to red belt this weekend, still seemed very likely.

Plan B - a slightly grey affair for you guys as Im not sharing details, but well, the first class didnt go very well IMHO. In fact, I hated it, a lot. I wasnt alone in my unhappyness either. But, with sunday only a few days away, I havent been assessed, so Im not grading, but Im also not down to be assessed. Im very disapointed, this means waiting yet another month minimum, by which time Plan B may have completed, meaning it could then be even more months before Red belt.

Im very very annoyed.

Weighing up..

This week, I weighed myself and clocked in at 200lbs, some 59 below my peek weight a couple of yeas ago, but more importantly, 20 less than at the beginning of december. My work trousers are a danger now, I have to tie the kinda belt part up else they may make a leap for the floor at a bad time.

This last week has been very emotional for me, issues at work were at an all time annoyance tuesday, and in a way, helped clear my mind more for out of work decisions for which Ive made a very big one, but not "the" big one I probably need to. However, I would rather put off "the" big decision if I can help it as there is a lot of issues with making that decision.

Inspired..

This is a current ad in the UK. I find it wholey inspiring, that someone who looks well like a 70s maths teacher can do such nice looking karate - I wanna be able to do the 2 kicks at the end.

In comes the new year..

OK, I dont do new yeas resolutions, but there are somethings Im determind to try to achieve this year.

1. My job should suck less.
2. Be fitter
3. Improve karate
4. Grade to red belt in karate

PS - > new crochet in progress.. see menu on the left.