So. Its new years eve

I look back upon 2008 and I find mainly disapointments, the few up notes, seemed to be after major down points where to be frank realistically statistically up was an almost dead cert.

I started the year mad at karate, mad at the guy who ran the region, annoyed with my job, I end the year glad to have found the trainer in karate I have, and annoyed with my job. Along the way, my job went through a rapid plummet to the floor, followed by a lift where supposedly it all changed, only to replummet when it turned out that the "new job" and "new manager" actually dont exist, Im stuck with the same rot I never signed up to do, and the man who has spent a lot of time seemingly making my job even more miserable still gets to dictate nearly every moment of my working life.

I didnt get a rise this year because the guy rated me as useless because he had stripped me of all I was good at and given it to others, this year I expect hes going to rate me the same, because Im stuck in a job I dont have the skills for and signed a contract getting me out of - only apparently this contract is basically void..

So, now to look forward to whats to come next year..

Im hoping to gain 1 or 2 (maybe) belts in karate, I want to lose more weight, I want to get on with one of my websites and aim to make a little money from it, I hope, Im not expecting miricles however, but I aim to sell a few crochet patterns before the year is out. I hope to resolve my job issue, but with the current climate that doesnt seem hugely likely.

So far I have a few things to look forward to

1. Seeing sensei again, he always makes me smile
2. Creating Blanket for Dad
3. Creating a blanket for a friend
4. Finding more victims for crochet (blankets, scarfs etc)
5. Grading to red belt sometime..

Things Im not looking forward to:

1. My review at work - for previously stated reasons
2. The struggle to lose weight
3. Sorting out some home based issues

Oh well.
The new year comes wether we want it or not. No new years resolutions for me, but, I am determind to at least look back and see not the same again.

So, Christmas is done with..

Part of me always feels so alone at christmas, I think its because of all the hype on tv. It goes on about how its a special time of year, how good prevails, or that theres always someone super loving and kind, and that magic always happens.

A wise man once said you cant feel more alone than in a crowded city, and I think in many ways thats true, when the expectations of being with people is highest, you can realise most that no one knows you and you arentnt that close to people as you thought.

This year I find myself thinking of someone who got divorced this year, who has smiled despite every bit of crap thrown at them, they are someone who makes me smile and someone I care a lot for as a result. Sadly, Im not spending Christmas with them, we're in touch but its not the same.

So, to my friend this is a public note - you'll never read - to say at this moment I have the most love for you, of all people out there, because I know this year you are even more alone than I feel, and its for this reason, its me thinking of you, and I wish I could make you smile as much as you do me. You mean a lot.

As for those of you who do read this :) and I know you guys are my good friends, I think of you too, Im sure there are people who maybe stumble upon this blog who maybe I dont know, and my wish for you is that you leave a note to say you came, but also that you dont feel as alone and sad this time of year, that your lives are filled with joy.

My fur!!!

Poor me, poor me.. For my fur has been shaved! I am all but bald!!

I am of course Charlie the dog.. My poor fur! I am happier now though, it had got a bit knotted and it was uncomfy.

Credit Crunch

So.. I have a burning question, inside about the credit crunch.. This post could go long.. so bear with me.

Right..

So, all around the globe theres a humongous amount of money, each country has its share, big or small.

Companies within most of the non 3rd world level areas have been telling us to take loans and get credit for the last bunch of years, heck, if you're more than 18 and you havent had that you've been pre-approved, please have our credit card, please take a mortgage, please take loans.. from someone, you must be under a rock...

Lets take a closer look at my country, petrol prices over the last year have gone from bad to extortion.. looking back 3 months or so, it was nearly a dollar higher than it is now per litre! Mortgage interest rates have plummeted, when I took out a mortgage in 95 I got 6.99 and that was a good rate, now they're doing like 4.5, some places less!

Now, Im sorry but..

Credit crunch..

Sure, the banks have paid the price for over borrowing and dont have it to give out, but, those already who had borrowed are getting better interest rates meaning their payments are less (see mortgages), those who drive a lot, are paying less now for petrol than they did 3 months back..

Now, if you say had 1800 a month income, and 1200 went on mortgage, 200 on petrol, the rest on you.. technically if that was 3 months back, you could be looking at around 1000 or less for your mortgage payment, and 130 for petrol.. but your salary has remained the same.. so.. credit crunch? Surely? you are better off now, so why arent people spending..

Why?

because lots of people are running round saying that the credit crunch means tons of redundancies, and that people cant afford to live - so people horde, so they try and save in case it happens to them, so yes, then people DONT spend, so then there IS an issue with companies not getting the money to keep employing people..

Is it only me who thinks is a catch 22 which if the media had shut the heck up, would only be effecting a much smaller number of people - such as those who needed to borrow and now cant?

Bangs

So, one thing that has always puzzled me, and so I look you you guys out on the internet, is..

Why do Americans call their fringe .. Bangs..

Most things that have different names over there have some understandable reason, freeway, I guess its not a toll road, so, its free! Sidewalk, well you walk on it st the side of a road....

But, I just can't understand bangs..

Here, the word bangs has a simple meaning, sudden noise or impact.

So, I don't get how a fringe, gets named.. Bangs..

Over the last few weeks..

Time has run away with me, a lot. I mean, seriously a lot, it feels like last week was March..

Each week passes so fast I just dont know where they go, I have a report to produce thursdays, and so many times I realise thursday has been and gone and I missed it. Im not sure where the time goes either, I go to karate monday and friday and there sure doesnt seem to be any days in between.

Things Ive seen in the last few weeks Id buy if I won the euro lottery:

Canon 5d mk 2
http://www.canon.co.uk/About_Us/News/Consumer_Releases/2008_News/EOS.asp

HP touch screen PC
http://www.hp.com/united-states/campaigns/touchsmart/
( I played with one of these in a store and its so not touch screen of old its very like http://cs.nyu.edu/~jhan/ )

Other things high on my list:

A slightly larger house, with more land, so theres far more room for the pups to run around, and preferably I mean enough that I cant throw beyond the fence on any direction.

A new car, a good car, economic but fun, but suitable for dogs, so probably a new 4 wheel drive of some form, or something small with a huge boot, and a lot of character - but they dont seem to make those any more.

TLC amore yarn (by the truck load)
http://store.knitting-warehouse.com/yarn-coats-amore.html
(why? this stuff is so soft, its like working with a line spun from clouds)

Solid gold/platinum flute
- no specific link but man would I love one

In a similar vein to the above, Id also like a harp, cello, clarinet and maybe an oboe..

More dogs? well by this point Id have more room right?

Digital Photography, a short rant..

My biggest concern is this area is that a number of people seem to feel that they have to tweak a photo by applying what seems like all the features of their photoshop equivelent and turn what may have been an average picture to something that just doesnt look natural..

Its very much personal taste, and sure, I think there are some awsome pictures made by tweaking maybe an average photo and making it awsome, but in the wrong hands (perhaps such as mine) but Ive seen so many pictures turn into down right ugly, or they got highlighted, shadowed, sharpened, bits added, taken away, to the point that so little of the picture seems in there now..

For example this (work safe) takes an average photo to a striking picture, but, its just not a photo to me any more..

Also, another example here (also work safe) this site doesnt seem to really have anything that looks remotely real on it.. Im not saying its not awsome what hes done, but, to me, thats too much..

IMHO..

If you took a poor shot, keep it to yourself, dont try and photoshop it to within a pixel of death and pass it off as "art".. please, learn to take a better photo.. Make the most of your scene with the camera, dont use photoshop to make up for the fact you didnt bother to start with..

Sure, many of my pictures wont be winning photo of the year 2008, but, I can at least sit here and know that I took them with my camera, not made them up.

On the left is a link to some recent photos, keep an eye out, or go visit other online photos I have there, you're always welcome to drop me your thoughts on some of my photos (and yes, some are kinda ugly I know that)

Playing catchup..

So.. whats new since the last post.. Oh Im so bad for leaving it till now!!!

So, this is our new friend Maddie, she is as her name implies, a nutter, a complete 100% nutter. Shes only young, she was supposed to be 6 months old, but we arent so convinced, by now she should be 7 or 8 and she still acts like 4 or 5.. it may not seem a lot of time to you and me, but, to a dog thats a couple of years almost and its that difference between 12/13 when all kids just annoy everyone, and 15 or so, when you actually find them reasonable to talk to and human.

What else, oh, my job is falling apart around my ears.. I had some hopes but they've all crashed and burned.. The short version is my jobs being split in 2, and I get a choice of doing the incredibly soul destroyingly boring version or just the incredibly boring version.. (notice there is no good version).. Both would report to the same guy who drives me nuts, and the marginally better version could involve a salary cut, so, neither option is ideal.

Hmm.. what else.. Ive decided that i need to get a faster lens for my digital camera.. the one I have is poop. For the non photographically minded amongst you, basically lenses have 2 measurements of interest.

1. its mm distance, 50mm = normal vision, <> 50 makes stuff closer
2. its "f" stop, f stop tells you how much light you lose. f1 is PERFECT, so obviously as near to f1, you can get is a good thing, then while it doesnt work logically to you and me 1.4 is half the light of f1, 2.8 half the light again etc.. Now, for short lenses like <=50 this should be a low number, as its the amount of light bouncing around that needs to go on and so on that removes light (normally), well, the lens I have is 18-50, but the F stops are 3.5 -5.6, that says at 18mm it has a low fstop of 3.5, and at 50 its 5.6, 5.6 is SLOW.

What does this mean in reality? Well, what it basically means is at any given exposure time, the higher the f-stop the brighter it needs to be to get a same picture.. So, in short, my current lens in dappled sunshine or cloud has actually told me it wont take a picture its not bright enough.. and there are rude words for that.

But the cost of the lens is a lot, when for pretty much the same value I can get a brand new supposedly lesser camera, but, the whole ease of ability to just "take the photo" seriously weighs high, when I got my current camera, I deliberated for hours.. annoyed the heck out of everyone I could about their thoughts and views.. and I guess in someways, I regret my decision, I love my camera, its awsome, it takes great photos, but so much of the time, I just wanna take the photo, I dont want to waste time swapping lenses, carrying a bag of stuff around... I just want to get the moment "Now"..

Rant

One thing that annoys the heck out of me..

Theres an ad for fabric softener, fine, its "smell" ? its lotus flower and white diamond.. Um.. GEMS DONT SMELL!! Their whole range is flower + gem, but gems dont smell!!!!!!

Frustrating week..

Sorry for not posting for ages, a while ago I took up a volenteer role at:

You can get a lot of website there for free, which is never a bad deal, and as a result, I do spend a fair bit of time as a Senior Account Manager helping people who've messed their accounts, etc

The last 7 days go like this:

Last friday..

I went to karate, was really trying hard as it was grading sunday, and while Im sensitive to grading its not an issue about me not grading that hurts its the seeing others who graded who IMHO shouldnt have, eg, they are now a belt higher than me, and act like someone whos worse than me. Its that that upsets me..

So I worked my socks off..

End of the lesson came, sensei gave grading permission slips to people who hadnt met the requirements, were a few lessons short..

My turn came..

You've plenty of lessons, you'd pass if I put you forward, but, Im not going to... What a slap in the face, dont get me wrong, I know there are things I can improve on (heck if I listed them here you'd fall asleep) but, at the same time, Im not going for a black belt, far from it, in terms of time, Im not even half way to a black belt, again the problem is looking at those of the same colour I would be, Im no worse than them. However, begrudgingly I accept that my sensei does it for a reason, and so went to the store to buy a big bar of white choccie to get over it.. and set off home..

On the way, I passed some people in a group and thought "Hey their dog looks like Maddie!" and drove home..

Got home, "Woof Woof Woof!" opened the door, 2 dogs.. Hmm.. Maddie?? Maddie!!??

After scouring the house and garden .. We were a dog short...

Went back to get dog from the people I had passed in the street... Oh the shame of it!!!

So..

Sunday comes, the day of the grading, I decide to sit in the garden for a bit, to chill, and mope about the fact people were now grading and now Id find more people who have a higher belt than me and would make me feel down..

Was playing with Maddie.. Whos not very good at the whole "give" thing.. so, put my finger in (as you have to) to extract the tennis ball thing.. and *chomp* "OW OW OW" .. grabbed finger, blood drips out of the clenched fist around it.. eep.. thats bad..

Thankfully it just blead a lot.. it was a small puncture wound and a 1cm split.. darn that hurt.. see? If I had graded my finger wouldnt hurt now..

Im getting greif at work, my "day job" part takes longer than I want it to, but someone who wants me to do some additional parts is getting rather upset I havent done and finished things they want, I dont see how Im supposed to fit all this in, everything they give me is always "top priority" and I should to it "Now" .. but there are only so many things that you *can* do now....

Been a bit quiet

Yeah Im sorry, been quiet the last couple of weeks..

Lots in mind mind and time flying away quicker than I can explain..

I havent forgotten.. I promise!!!
(Write and tell me Im not talking to myself!)

Something so cool

A good while ago, I bought you volcanoe webcams, for which I still follow, however, a new fad for me is this: Yellostone Webcam

OMG so cool!

work, child and verything else friendly

Cheaky Skype!!

Heres something you may not know about skype.

In skype you have the option to customise how it connects to skype servers/other people. Did you know, only uses that *IF* you make it..

Yes you read that right. If you specified a https proxy, or socks proxy, theres almost a dead cert it isnt using it, unless, it couldnt contact the world any other way. Thus, if you maybe trying to hide a little from your network admin or just other peoples prying eyes, you maybe sadly mislead!

How to tell what skype is doing:

1. Start->run->cmd
2. netstat -ab
(this will show you ports by program with the program in [xxx.exe] underneath the ports.

Now if you dont see skype connecting to your proxy like you set, that means it successfully made it out irrelevant of your settings.

If you want to force it, Skype themselves had this to say:

"It is normal for Skype to try and establish a direct connection to the P2P network. Skype will use proxy connection method only if direct connection methods fail. When the firewall allows only proxy connections, Skype will use that, but when the firewall is less restrictive, Skype will most probably try and connect directly to the network. This is default behavior.

To force Skype using a proxy connection in your situation you can try to set it via GPO (Windows Global Policy). Skype supports GPO settings.
More information can be found by reading the Network Administrators Guide. You can get it here: http://www.skype.com/security/guide-for-network-admins.pdf"

I tried the GPO.. Oddly, it didnt seem to make any difference! As in fact the doc describes how to set the GPO to have direct access not to block it.

In the end, I resorted to zone alarm. After I had logged my question to skpe it seemed the documentation which originally said it used your IE settings - which also clearly wasnt true as mine had been set to the proxy too, but, it is a thing to be aware of.. Just coz you said how to connect, doesnt mean it actually is!

WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!!!

We were so cross when the forumla one tickets came up for sale this year, last few years we bought them the day they were announced which is almost like 11 months before the event, this year the seats we've come to know and love, ok, we pay 165 pounds thats best part of 340 dollars EACH, for standing on some concrete, laugh all you like.. Its my birthday present, and its the best 3 days, I get as sunburnt to a crisp which provides all the people at work a serious laugh, as first year I really really really probably should have been hospitalised!! (We didnt have suncream!)

This year, tickets came and it was grandstand only which are 265 pounds each, so thats err, what near on 580? dollars each?? yeah, love F1 tons, but thats stupid money for a seriously uncomfortable plastic seat.

So, hubby wrote and asked and was told basically they doubted wether they would sell our normal tickets, you could have on the day tickets but no real info on where you could go, in fact it sounded more like you could get in the track but you'd be lucky to be able to see any cars..

So, having been talking about the disapointment with hubby over tea tonight, while sewing some ends in my blanket, I decided to check the site.. and there, you guessed it, TICKETS!! our normal tickets were available (they werent yesterday which was at the discounted price sigh) so, we have bought our tickets..

YAY!!!

Time to book the days off work :P

Couldnt be happier

So, heres to hoping Jenson Button has better luck this year, would be a seriously cool birthday present to see him win at Silverstone!

Down down, deeper and down

As you all probably know by now, I can feel very miserable at times, and nearly always it stems from something most people wouldnt even think to consider. These generally are:

1. Feeling Im different to everyone else
2. Seeing Im treated different to others
3. Someone being mad at me and not knowing why

This week, has had plenty of pretty much all 3.

2 - Generally work related issues , stupid things, in so many ways, things like.. A guy dropped some tapes, they jammed the unit, company arguably was at risk because backups failed and I know, if that had been me, Id have been in HR with a written warning.. Im not even sure he got a talking to.. Other things like, everyone in our area, other than me and the tape guy have all worked from home in the last two weeks, but, we cant, I dont think hes asked but I know I cant, and it wasnt even, "I'll think about it" it was "No, and I wont consider it"..

3 - and this will make you laugh.. you probably picture crochet people as sad old grannies in rocking chairs making little doilies.. Well someone out there has basically now been telling 1900 ish people lies about me, and they wont post my replies pointing out its not true, or to defend myself, but even worse, she wrote me an apology and then when I thanked her and said I really didnt think the things of her she thought I had said (yes trying to be vague) and I thought she really was a good person.. she read exactly what I wrote but without the NOT in it.. so she read it as I accused her of stuff and then posted it on to a bunch of people! Even highlighting the bit where I said she hadnt done something she thought I had accused her of.. as proving how horrid I was accusing her doing it and praising her for being a bad person.. which I so havent done.. a bunch of the people in the group then replied with like "You go girl" to her comments, and almost the "reverend" (if you ever saw blazing saddles).. I feel really unhappy that I cant get these others to at least read what I wrote and realise the things shes accused me of, I simply did not say, in fact, for most cases I said the exact opposite !!

the first thing on my list though.. tends to come from the others, that "well it must be me, I must be different" .. when its ok for others to do things, and its not for me, there must be something wrong with me to make it that way..

Problem is, in someways others can help with points 2 and 3 by saying they have the same or saying that its not true etc.. but that inner feeling doesnt go away..

On a flip note..

The crochetting is going well, Im happy with that and thats a good thing to be happy about!

Pedigree Adoptadrive..

The following site (child and work friendly) has an ad on tv running at the moment, it goes something like "I know Im a good dog, I can sit, I can fetch, I can roll over, but what I dont understand is why I ended up here" ..

As someone who has adopteted two dogs who needed a loving home, and would if I could adopt more, but I just dont have the space, and having paid up a fair chunk when I had a pay out on my own car accident I paid up to a local rescue dog place, I actually object to the almost every 20 minute guilt trip they try and put me on..

Please, donate and help the doggies if you dont have those you already have helped doggies of your own area, or have rescue dogs, or just plain cant afford it, but if you're sitting there on your plush pc, with fat internet link, car, and savings and no cares in the world... think of them.. and the fact they dont necessarily have a tomorrow, they have no home, no family they can get in contact with, no one to turn to.

All gone green..

So, after many months of swear, tears and a couple of bits of blood..

I finally got my green belt yesterday, I get the impression the regional guy was not happy to do it, but, kinda didnt have any real reason he could give to stop me. So, finally, my green belt.. RAR! I worked my feet off, I lost blood and feeling in one foot and had extreeme pain in the other.. I sweated like a man in a forge.. it was not a great grading I felt terrible, I was tired, drawn out and there were only 14 of us, not the 100+ that there had been at my last grading, so, I felt rather on show..

My friend who made the orangey/pink and red blanket for? got her blanket today in the post, and is dead happy, which is excellent news..

Its my mothers 61st birthday (assuming shes still alive somewhere)

My Dad phoned he has a new furry friend..



As you can see, shes a big ball of black fluffy fur, shes 11 months old, and called Rosie! Currently weighing in at a monsterous 33kg, so, shes only going to get bigger!!!

A view on life.

Im a member of a number of crochet mailing lists. They work out as roughly similar while some are UK others global, its all pretty much the same, except 1.

There are a couple out there who make crochet hooks, generally rather tubby ones. They market it as very different, eg, like they invented crochet. Which if their marketing is to be believed they make nice hooks and so on. However, this one mailing list, is devoted to these "hooks" .. but the attitude of those people almost follows on from the site.. They believe that while they use a technique thats been around for like 100 years, this couple invented it, and that by using these hooks it will be entirely different, and thats fine.. although it is rather amusing to read.

However, what really stands out is the general attitude of wanting patterns.. To give you an idea of how hard it is not necessarily to make a "graph" try the following.

Go to google
select search on images
type a cartoon character
Look for something that has only a few colours, something such as bloo here..

Now, save it, to your disk, open it in mspaint.. And select the view menu, then zoom, then custom, select 800, then select the view menu again, then zoom and then show grid.

Now, you see some part of bloo with little squares. Each of those squares can be used as a crochet stitch. There, now you have a graph you can use. Congratulations..

So, why is this group full of people who want graphs for things? things that you can find all over the internet, and in fact can find pre done saved with grids and everything graphs..

More to the point, some also then want "row counts" which is that you could from the bottom and (assuming right handed) right to left, the number of each colours.. so it might go

Row 005 (R to L) :{White} x1, {Christmas Green Med} x6, {White} x4, {Orange VY DK} x3, {Christmas Green Med} x7, {White} x1

yes, all you do is count the squares colour by colour...
and they almost get rude and offended if people dont make the graph and row counts for them!!

So.. I finished my last project



Ignore the "work in progress" banner.. but, I did this, I did this without asking anyone to count things for me.. I did ask an artistic friend to turn it into simple set of colours, as it was originally a chalk sketch.. but, its really not that hard to count..

These people are kinda frustrating because I see them being so demanding, but at the same time, if you dont do the same they all but lynch you!!

Weight loss inspiration..

OK, so theres a program on my tv about Renee Williams who weighed 841 lbs

Shes on the tv program about how its not because she ate too much, yet at the same time her children point out she'd buy 8 big macs.. and eat them..

The sad reality is (as an overweight person, but not in the same league as Renee) that we kid ourselves we arent eating badly, that it must be "something else" .. however, the sad fact of the reality for Renee was

a) the gastric bypass then she lost 67 lbs in 12 days.. Hmm so funny now you cant eat the weight starts shedding.
b) the shock was too much for her and it sadly cost her, her life.

Now, I have a BMI of somewhere around 31-32 which is fat. However, I know its because I eat more than I do.

This year, I vow to do more, so even if at the end of the year, I still eat more than I do.. I will be eating less or doing more..

Welcome to 2008!

2008 has arrived, at least around here by being blown up with small firework like bombs.

The boring person looks out my window this morning at the grey miserable looking weather and cant help but think, its only another day..

Well today my doggie goes swimming, he loves that, but he was limping last night so I need to check him this morning.. sigh..

Heres to hoping 2008 goes well.