Down down, deeper and down

As you all probably know by now, I can feel very miserable at times, and nearly always it stems from something most people wouldnt even think to consider. These generally are:

1. Feeling Im different to everyone else
2. Seeing Im treated different to others
3. Someone being mad at me and not knowing why

This week, has had plenty of pretty much all 3.

2 - Generally work related issues , stupid things, in so many ways, things like.. A guy dropped some tapes, they jammed the unit, company arguably was at risk because backups failed and I know, if that had been me, Id have been in HR with a written warning.. Im not even sure he got a talking to.. Other things like, everyone in our area, other than me and the tape guy have all worked from home in the last two weeks, but, we cant, I dont think hes asked but I know I cant, and it wasnt even, "I'll think about it" it was "No, and I wont consider it"..

3 - and this will make you laugh.. you probably picture crochet people as sad old grannies in rocking chairs making little doilies.. Well someone out there has basically now been telling 1900 ish people lies about me, and they wont post my replies pointing out its not true, or to defend myself, but even worse, she wrote me an apology and then when I thanked her and said I really didnt think the things of her she thought I had said (yes trying to be vague) and I thought she really was a good person.. she read exactly what I wrote but without the NOT in it.. so she read it as I accused her of stuff and then posted it on to a bunch of people! Even highlighting the bit where I said she hadnt done something she thought I had accused her of.. as proving how horrid I was accusing her doing it and praising her for being a bad person.. which I so havent done.. a bunch of the people in the group then replied with like "You go girl" to her comments, and almost the "reverend" (if you ever saw blazing saddles).. I feel really unhappy that I cant get these others to at least read what I wrote and realise the things shes accused me of, I simply did not say, in fact, for most cases I said the exact opposite !!

the first thing on my list though.. tends to come from the others, that "well it must be me, I must be different" .. when its ok for others to do things, and its not for me, there must be something wrong with me to make it that way..

Problem is, in someways others can help with points 2 and 3 by saying they have the same or saying that its not true etc.. but that inner feeling doesnt go away..

On a flip note..

The crochetting is going well, Im happy with that and thats a good thing to be happy about!