Recent quietness

I apologise for the recent queitness, following the karate thing, where my black belt dream was shot to shreds, I went on to qualify as an instructor instead, which then lead to more issues in that, while I qualified I only wanted to be an assistant. Not because Im scared of the responsibility, but, because I believe "Sensei" should be a really all knowing individual, not someone who frankly could be a lot better. This caused me much stress, because as it turns out despite the talk of how B&W belted people get this, that and the other.. Only if you run your own class - this wasnt made clear, and while I didnt do it for the freebees or whatever, it was then the fact it was only me who didnt count.. This made me sad and frustrated.

So now I have a class of children who would be a great advert for lack of attention

I also then pretty much the same day lost my temper and came to the end of my tollerance with my husband (hence the blog name change) and locked him out - after checking I could legally do so. I had had enough.. Then, when he didnt come collect stuff in the allotted timescale, I packed stuff only to find out things between us were worse than I thought, I found paper proving his lies had been greater than I had even given him credit for, and that I was deffinately doing the right thing.

Also around this time work gave me notice that they felt I was a useless employee and I had 90 days to prove otherwise.

So, where am I today.

Im about 45 days through the work thing, they are still convinced Im useless, depsite the fact Im trying, and despite the fact that someone else is telling people not to help me..

Karate, I graded the day before I through hubby out, and it was a hard grading too, but, Im actually pushing to grade to my next belt asap, so I can help 2 of my best friends towards their next belt and to do so, I feel I need to be allowed to use the same tools they do. (sweeping, spinning kicks and of course, learn their kata)

Husband? Well, hes not going to contest divorce and hes agreed to be reasonable about the whole splitting of stuff - so, it looks like a blood bath is averted, but, its still a very downward feeling. Even though its what I want, Im kinda a bit at an end..

My choices seem small, Im fed up with job, Im fed up with so much and few things I can choose sound better. Seriously, Id go shelf stacking if I thought I could live from it, just to get away from the crap at work, but its not what Id enjoy, I know, but, I need to do something or somewhere else..

Im sure a number of you (small number that you are) will have found me on facebook.. I tend to do a more daily thing there, but in less detail because well, while this isnt truly "anonymous" its less linkable to me, and sometimes while I want to part with things like this post, I dont really want everyone to know me if they stumbled on it, or like facebook there are friends who I wouldnt want to see some posts..

You arent forgotten.