Chain letters

Normally I hate chain letters as much as the next man, but, this I actually thought was beautifully well written and if it dont make you cry, you must be very very strong.

Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.
You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.

They say it takes a minute to find a special
person, an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them, but then an entire
life to forget them.

Send this to the people you'll never forget and
remember to send it also to the person that sent
it to you. It's a short message to let them know
that you'll neve r forget them.

If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're
in a hurry and that you've forgotten your
friends.

Return of HOUSE!!!!

I love House. why? not sure, I just find it great to watch someone whos so ingenius, screwed up but ingenius, yes I know its not real, but its very well done.

Much as I love CSI, I know that in reality the events of most shows would take years, but, the again its the portrayal of people like Gil Grissom, who again, seems kinda messed up but at the same time is a complete genius.

A new series of House starts thursday, I really really hope I dont forget!

Holo suite

So, we've all seen the holo suits from star trek, they can take you any where, any time etc, I wonder what would you do, if you could only ever have 1, would you go past, present or future, real or fantasy, you cant break rules of science so you'd have to retain your body, gravity, etc.

In my DS9 watching stint, they have quite a few holo suite references, obviously theres the Quark's style of holo suite for a more personal effect, and I guess you could have that as your only one, but you could meet anyone, be anywhere..

It got me thinking as to what Id have...

Stress

I apologise for having gone a little quiet. Those who know me off blog will know Ive had a tough couple of weeks with something and while I would desparately love to express it all here, until something major in my life changes, I know best to keep it off anywhere public, for it can be used against you.

Just know I feel very very low, frustrated and at this time it doesnt look like it will be getting different any time soon.

On top of that, my body seems to be trying to have some kinda heavy cold or flu, Im cold, sweating, ache like nothing else, my bronchial tubes feel like they are on fire, Im coughing and my head feels like its in a vice but made of mush.

YAY! YAY! YAY!

Its over!
Its finally over!

The revenge of the jumper is actually finished!

The worst realisation hit me.. I want to knit me a jumper.. NOOOOOO!!!!

That was the the week that sucked..

Ever had a week that you can only say it sucked.. yet, not because a hugely bad thing happened, in fact, far from it, everyone could understand that, no one would be surprised, just oneof those weeks where everything niggled and nibbled at you constantly, over the stupid tiny things, spilling something on your clean top, that kind of thing, well I had that week.

Culminated by my boss who had asked for a list of computers and their memory, having been given it, then asking for the actual chips in it.. which wasnt what he had asked for, plus he'd actually written by 30th March too.. not 16th feb which was when he said..

I got kicked real hard last week at karate, so, I swear.. if that guy and I spar again... Im going for the soft bits.. Im sorry but I couldnt put my arm on a desk for 4 days.. I wont be holding back.

Revenge of the jumper

So.. for all of you who followed the jumper that turned into the world biggest mess, you may recall (Im sure its mentioned) that Im workingon revenge of the jumper.. This one looks to be going more to plan, its got a few dodgy bits in it, where it look slike holes but they arent.. I promise.. I dunno what they are, but they arent holes made in a traditional way anyway..

Repeat after me: I HATE KNITTING

so, tonight, its 10.30pm, I just finished the front, so Ive done front and back now..

2 sleeves and the neck to go, not much in comparison it has to be said - although, scaryingly did you know, the top of your sleeve is nearly as wide (when flat eg not in a tube shape) as the chest??

However, I am rejoicing in the fact I could kinda sew it now and call it a tank top :P

You yellow bellied FOOL!

Today I graded and succeeded in getting my yellow belt! I am now 8th kyu. I actually watched the kids do theirs (ok, small people of less than 13 years of age) and for them to get a yellow belt they just have to do the various kicks, punches and blocks we have been taught, in essense its just another lesson.. Once they move on , they need to learn the things the "adults" (those greater than 13 years old) need to do..

One thing I found in a way quite horrifying was how sloppy some of the higher level belt people (adults and children) were, I believe (and could be wrong) belt colours go, white, yellow, orange, green, blue, red, brown, black, but I saw people with orange belts (who now have green ones) who were very sloppy, I know Im not worthy to say it, but Id like to think if *I* had done that I wouldnt have passed..

So, the new car is here!

I would have posted last night but everything was timing out, and well it was just a mess.

I have my new car, my probe is gone :(

However, in a way, if you believe in these things you might want to think of this.

Last decent snow I remember, I was a kid. Since then, I have never been to work in a decent amount of snow, nor have i not made it to work because of snow.

Having bought a new car and been in a stinky mood.. I took today and tomorrow off. Guess what I woke up to today?



Yep, thats my garden.. oh look.. SNOW!

its still snowing, so, Im gonna wait till its deeper then head out and laugh at people .. mwhahahaha.

This wouldnt be so funny if it wasnt true

I cant say any more than this

ARGHHHH!!!!

So, today starts with a call from an external group who monitors some of our servers saying it didnt come back after the month end backup and that they cant get in.. To the non technically minded of you think of a cluster in the following terms, its usually made of 2 or more computers. So, lets call them A and B.. they are the 2 halfs that can claim to be this "cluster", we'll call it C.

When A and B are running this C can be on either computer, it doesnt matter, no one can tell, and thats exactly what they want, they want it so if one of the 2 computers A or B dies, C continues without issue, and that after maybe a brief delay, the other computer will take over, but no one need know.

So.. When the cluster isnt running there is no C.. you cant connect to it.. you have to connect to A or B.. as thats all there is, 2 individuals called A and B.. apparently this is too hard for the support group who are supposed to be "experts" to understand

So
While explaining this for like the umteenth trillionth time..

I get a message on my phone.. so I call them back

My cars not going to be ready today... ARGH ok, now Im getting a bit mad, why? Well, I had psyked myself up for this, the parting of my beloved car.. and now.. its not happening.. not today anyway.. Most likely tomorrow.

So.. the day goes on..


So Im doing some work find some faults with a crappy product we use, so I reported it, entered my details my work number, finally, it said how do you wish to be contacted, phone, email or web.. email says me..

A short while later.. my personal mobile rings... its them.. Email me like I asked.. I hang up.

I check the call.. the call says my desk number.. and contact by mail.. so I log a call on the website saying their website isnt keeping settings correctly...

I get a call.. its them.. apparently the dont phone please email in big letters was too subtle.

So, I find another bug.. so I go through the polava again, making sure I check the phone number.. nope deffinately desk number, and contact by email....

So the phone rings..

FFS people.. when it has a big paragraph about not getting the email updates and dont call me by phone.. PLEASE do not call me, PLEASE do email me.. Unless you want either a stream of cuss words or to be hung up on.. then do feel free to call coz I will be exeedingly mad..

Oh, they also ask your hours of working.. Im gonnna bet that if I check my webmail now.. theres a "you havent responded" message - despite me having had to declare my hours of working to them.. Wow, no, but they did respond after the time I declared I would go home, so Im kinda expecting one first thing in the morning then.. oh well..

Today has just sucked from start to finish.

doom and gloom draws ever nearer

Tomorrow is rushing upon me like a stampeed of wild beasts, and the moment to part with my car will be upon me.

Karate today was vaguely successful a girl from the thursday class turned up and shes nice, and she struggles with similar stuff to myself, so it was nice to be paired withher as it meant it was very even.

I should be going for grading on sunday, Sensei is going to come to my house as Ive no idea where it is, and I'll drive him there.

Tomorrow is going to be sad.

Cars

This is hard for me to explain.

For some reason I get very emotionally attached to my cars. Ive only ever had 2 for which I didnt feel any form of remorse when I either was forced or felt best to part with them for one reason or another.

And, because of my dog and wishing to make his life easier and being semi practical about life, a time has come to change my car.

I currently own a very happy and well loved ford probe. top of the range, all the mod cons, goes like the clappers, has never let me down, (other than the lock froze the other week when it was very cold), but, a sports car is not dog friendly, the leather seats and claws wont work, having a boot that comes to my waist is not easy for a dog with an injured leg to bounce into.. a cd player is not comfy for them to lie on, and well, it seems its time to come to buy a new one.

So, last weekend my hubby took me to the place we bought my current car from to see what they had. One thing I hate more than anything is boring cars, and well most modern cars are boring.. And Im also tight with my money so to be honest, I didnt want to spend any money, the car I have is a good car, but, we're trying to be practical.. So, we look around the lot, I dont like small cars (so if you sit in the drivers door and can touch the passenger window without leaning.. no chance), I dont want a girly car, I dont want a merc A class (would rather die), or a BMW.. so.. there werent that many choices within the price Id spend and the car Id get .. it came out as:

A T reg ford focus about 3.5k
A V reg landrover freelander 5k
A V reg corvette 20k
A mondeo .. dont know the exact year or price.. why? it was a hiddeous colour put me right off

now.. (the prices are the numbers at the end btw) now the corvette is obviously somewhat expensive, but it is a seriously nice car, so much as I wasnt going to buy it, it has to go on the list as well Id buy it given half a chance.

So, the ford focus, the most practical of the 2, its a 1.6, black.. unfortunately theres a girl in my office, almost same age as me.. owns an almost identical car, this could be its twin, same year, same colour, same model.. so.. no offense world.. keep it.

So, a Landrover freelander, its a 4x4, its petrol - would have been slightly nicer if it was diesel but, there you go, it was a nice enough colour - black would have been better but a second hand car, you cant always pick what you want. Its a very deep metalic red. 5 doors, dont need 5, a 3 door would have been nice, but to be honest, its not so bad, doesnt quite have the ac/sunroof etc that my current one has and Im gonna miss it, but, its very dog friendly

This is my current car the grey one


This will be my new one

Today, my current car and I went for a drive, for me parting with a loved car is like a relationship break up, for today we went for a drive we had a huge amount of fun, and then came.. the talk. The one where you explain its not its fault and that you love it, but that its over.. Parting with the probe feels wrong, previously when parting with a car it was either because of total infatuation with a new one, or, major painful loss of an old one, this one is for practical terms, and it feels like going home just before the end of the film, just missing say the last 5-10 minutes, it just feels like its a teeny bit too early.. Not that it shouldnt happen, just that theres a little more life and goodness in it yet.

But, come tuesday its going to be a hard day. Its going to be very emotional behind the scenes. Dont get me wrong, I am looking forward to the freelander, Im sure hes going to be fun, just in a very different way. My probe knows his time is up, a bulb failed in his head light this morning so he only has 1 eye. He looks a little sorry for himself - I took a number of pictures and its sad his parting photos will have him with 1 eye, but I do have a number of photos of him, looking happy on our driveway, hes in very good condition, I just hope his new owners when they find him will love him even half as much as I do.. Id hate to think they dont.

I guess it feels like it would parting with one of my dogs because a land lord has said I cant keep them but I can have a cat.. I can love a cat, theres nothing wrong with the cat, and so on, but, Im parting with a friend and I want to think that he will go to a home where hes loved and given the same love as he gets now.

Enterprise :P

So, I finished TNG.. Im on Enterprise now!!

Debts

Have I ever talked to you guys about debts?

Nothing I find more annoying is the attitude to debt on tv. "ooh Im so indebt, I cant afford my bills each month, we spend more than we earn" ... deep soothing voices says "Does this sound like you?, well we can help, take out a loan and all will be great, you can do it over the phone, we wont turn you down" .. what should happen is a little red man with horns and a pointy tail appears saying "just sell me your soul"..

in nearly every ad about debt solutions they make out they can make your debt less.. yeah by streatching it over the next 400 years, so while you may only pay 20 units of currency a month, you'll be paying it long past your death and at an interest rate that out of that 20, 19.99 is interest.

But worse still..

the ones that have the person who was supposedly in debt talking to their "friend" later saying "Oh we got the loan we even had *money left over* so we went and bought a new car/on holiday/got a conservatory" .. err..

the "new" car featured is usually *new* not just as in new to them, and a conservatory costs generally at least 10k even for a naff one.. Im sorry, but these people were struggling to afford stuff, now you have them on a loan for a long time to come so even though they maybe paying less instead of having to live tight for a couple of years its now say 10.. and on top of that you conned them into borrowing well more than they needed! These people dont have money, what part of this is unclear??

What made me write this rant? theres a thing on tv about a couple - the sounds off, but they were in debt so bad they felt the best thing was to emigrate.. some family member paid off their debts and so .. err, they went to australia on the way to where-ever they were going.. and well are shown in a plush hotel, drinking a lot, smoking.. um.. if they had no money.. how did they afford this? Im not sure I could afford a trip to australia, let alone the plush hotel, the constant all day drinking shown... yet these guys were supposed to have no money at all.. Australia was not where they were planning to emigrate to.. (from the captions anyway) they only went to Australia to "Pick up a package" um.. yeah, just popping out mum, need to go to australia for a beer.. dont think so.

Saturday comes around

So its saturday, my new year decision to watch all the startrek next gen episodes is almost complete, to go along with this, first contacts about to be on tv, with insurection tomorrow!! yay

Startrek ftw!

I apologise for being quiet recently, havent had a lot to say I guess, Karate is going well, my friend Kellie is hoping to come for her first less on Monday, she was originally going to come this week but shes put a rib out coughing, and so the rest was probably a good idea.

I would have gone to thursdays but I was working.. Well more acurately watching a progress bar for most of 2 hours - exceiting huh.

Well, I apologise deeply for lack of posting - but then, I also wonder just how many people have even noticed my absense, its a little like that if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise.. thought..

Cute!

A zoo has placed a number of webcams online for us all to share, other places have done similar.

See lots of animals here

Meet 3 people who made me who I am!

To give you some idea I was an only child, and had few friends. The day I met these 3 people.. changed my life!

See here

Happy new year!

Well 2007 is here, the sun is shining, the sky is blue! In fact, its not a bad day at all.

I dont really do new years resolutions, but, if I have one, its not to waste so much of my time. For example, Ive been off the last 2 weeks and I cant help but look back and other than watching a ton of startrek, posting a large number of posts on forums and newsgroups about delphi, I cant help but think Ive actually done little with my time, and cant help but regret that this is a waste.

So, my only resolution stands : I will try harder not to waste my personal time doing things I wont remember when I look back. So, less gaming, less faffing around, and more reading, more coding, more crochet, more exercise, more pointful things.

Of course, its bound to fail, Im a lazy cow, but, today, Id like to think rather than "just watching startrek" I will do other things, code or crochet comes to mind.. I had projects in mind for this christmas period coding wise, and I did none of them. My crochet has grown but not half as much as it could have given the time.

Derren Brown

Now, Derren Brown is a rather impressive guy to watch. Those of you who have yet to see him for want of a short phrase, hes a mind reader, but he isnt. Its purswasion, illusion, and suggestion and a lot of flare!

They showed him "live" at some theatre, and yes, some of its hard to believe such as things like he is supposed to have stopped his heart beating and then walked over some glass and had some big guy stand on him.. which Im sorry if your heart stopped that long you'd fall over, or be actually dead..

However, a lot of it is just so entertaining to watch. The last one he did he got a cabby who knows London like nothing else and he got him to give out random directions.. Now as a prelude to this the audience had met at some train station been put on a bus with no windows, blindfolded walked into the theatre so they didnt know where they were.. the directions were how to get to the theatre they were at from the tubestation... but not the same route they went on the bus.. Stuff like that is impressive.

Today he did this strange things with buttons, hard to imagine anything that strange with buttons

He said that as a kid he used to get picked on and to distract himself from the pain of the kicking he would count things, and he got very good at it.. anyway, basically he got a woman to grab a few handfuls of buttons onto a tray, cover the tray, cover the original bowl so he cant see and guess. Then slap him to death and pull cover off the tray, and in less than a second he proclaimed the number of buttons on the tray.. she counted them under a camera.. and he was right..

Now, thats freaky, but it gets more freaky

Next he made her shake the tray around so the buttons were moving.... and do the same..
He got that right too!!

He did some other weird stuff in other programs like a room of like 60 or was it 100 objects and got a person to creep around and select an object.. yeah despite being blindfold and there being no noise... he knew which object it was.. strange stuff

but its really facinating to watch.

So if you've never seen him and it comes up on your tv schedule..

WATCH IT for a laugh! You'll find yourself wondering how he did it.

Oh, only ones not to try were the rusian rulette one, and anything else that could cause death.

more on Glandular fever/mono

So..

Christmas eve it started, hinting away with a mouth ulsa, now, its the gland in my neck as well, I dont feel ill but the gland stuff is always tiring, the mouth ulsa is painful and annoying.

So, Im tired. But this week I had a trip to the inlaws today, and my Dad on thursday! So, no lounging in bed for me for a few days to give me a better chance of being well, no no, following the trip to my Dad, I only have friday and monday off and its back to work as if nothing happened..

I wonder.. naa work would never let me book 2 weeks off starting the wednesday (or thursday for that matter), mind you, even if they had, the 2 weeks would fly and it would be just the same if nothing else had changed, except Id be down 2 weeks holiday though.

Happy Christmas!!

Yep, its christmas day, and as always you can find me where Im at my best.. Behind my keyboard!

You know, its disapointing to see how many of my geek friends arent doing the same.. oh well, time to watch more festive tv.. wait.. there isnt any.. Oh well, more reruns of sad pathetic old shows Ive seen more times than Ive thought of.

Whats the point of tescos?

So, its saturday, ok the saturday before christmas, but to be honest, for our tesco, what Im about to say applies to every saturday and sunday going.

Why open if you dont have any food!!

A funny!

Now, if you are the easily offeneded kind, or find the following personally offensive in anyway, Im sorry. But this is funny.

SouthPark does

On this kinda note - not sure if I mentioned it before, probably but hey, I dont remember so you can get it again.

We've all noticed now how everyone has some kinda medical issues now-a-days, wether its exma, asthma, allergies, through to more serious things like MS and so on..

But if we had all lived 100 years back, next to none of this would have existed.

The problem is that when some new one gets a name and in the press, everyone has it, its like the being fat excuse of "its my glands" .. yes, legitmiately for some people this is true, but for all those who blame them, very few actually medically have backing of this. Now, speaking as a person who is larger than the doctors deam "Normal".. Id love to have this excuse, but, I know where my additional weight came from, chemo, followed by being so tired and run down I couldnt do much and stuffing my face to gain energy but not, just pileing on the pounds.

So, onto the subject, and again, if you find this offensive, Im sorry, but, its just my thoughts.

A.D.D, I dont disbelieve in it, so let me make that clear, but so many people online claim ADD.. In fact, play online game, find someone under 15 or so, their age will show in something if you group/raid and hey presto "be nice to me I have ADD" seems to be the default reply.. Is ADD really that prevelant or, is it just the case of because disipline is lacking now in todays society, after all kids now cant even fail exams, or be told things are wrong.. they seem to have little respect for anyone.. so, is that really ADD or just little oik ??

Hmm, vanguard download

So, I waited all day, watching the timer count down to like 5 minutes..

Then it shot up to 11 hours!!!

now despite even restarting it, in case it was a little confused.... it still thinks theres 7 hours to go

if this sucks when I get there, I'll be very bored.

Vanguard!?

Now, I know Im getting older, and I know one day my memory will fail and not long after that incontinancy will follow Im sure.. but, hopefully those days arent here yet.. but I am thinking that they maybe sooner than I'd like, why?

I got an invite to the vanguard beta, this is MMORG game long awaited by main game players out there, only to find.. its run by Sony! Im sure, Im so so sure, that so much of the hype about why vanguard was going to be great was because it wasnt done by the makers of EQ. Well ,it was, but it was being done by those who had left EQ and moved on to do vanguard.. Now, it seems Sony has that too?

Karate lesson #6

The final less for 2006, was an odd less, it was very much geared around christmas and children, and paying 5 pound 50 to kinda watch kids play games isnt necessarily my idea of good value. However.. it was the second half of our grading..

Technically I am now a white belt with little yellow tips, Im 8th Kyu or something. :) whee!

Chillis may save the world! (Diabetes cure found!)

Now, those of us who love chillis (personally, I love finely chopped chillis on toast, yes, you read that right, take a chilli, remove the seeds, finely chop stick on toast with a bit of butter.) This article just tells us maybe all we ever needed to know about chillis.

Diabetes cure?

Now, for those of you with diabetes, I bet that any results of this finding wont come quick enough, but, at least this is the most positive thing to come for diabetics everywhere in a long time. After all, this is potentially a cure, not a treatment!

However, I was interested to read that back in 1999 it said they found it was like pain, and that some guy on a whim decides to try injecting chilli stuff, and hey presto.. It comes back to 1 thing though.. All these break throughs, is it me, or is sometimes something natural and simple often the best answer? Pills and potions always seem to have more side effects.

Karate lesson #5

Today we did the first half of our gradings for yellow belt. So, of course, despite the fact last week I remember it all nicely, this week, I messed up.

However, other than we are being scruitinised for our grading, this week was much like last week. I wanted to talk to the trainer after the lesson, but he was busy, next week is our last week before christmas.

I fear I will fail, I got the impression from before the lesson that its almost impossible to fail.. but, somehow, I guess the inner doubts I have make me feel I will.. And its for those reasons Im going, I need to improve myself confidence.. that and it would be nice to think if some guy came at me I could at least put up some resistance.

Nigela Lawson.. A rant by me

For those who may not know, Nigela Lawson is supposedly a chef. She is currently on my tv talking about cooking. However, there is so much wrong with this woman its hard to know where to start.

This is the kind of woman who would say things like "I would only use wine that has been hand crushed by vestal virgins from mount Olympus and you only need 3 bottles" ...

She really seems to insist on the most expensive things, and while we know often they probably do taste better, lets grab some realism, I dont mind spending time preparing a meal, I dont mind spending *some* money on making it nice.. but Im not spending a months wages on a snack, and Im not going to have go to on 87 holidays just to get the pieces she blathers on about.

The series called Naked Chef by Jamie Oliver, was based on good simple premise, buy reasonable food, cook it, eat it. Minimal greif, for nice food. Great respect for that. Nigela has never had anything practical about her cooking.

She all but finely chops herbs and then places each piece on the food.. where as anyone else just throws.. She has a voice to drive you to drink too, and originally I admired the fact she was a cook (I cant bring myself to say shes a chef, as to why, I shall explain later), and was thin.. sadly was is so much the word. Now, Im never gonna win thinnest person UK, but she makes me look thin.

So.. why the "cook" ?? well she was on radio saying how she hated cooking and that it was too much effort to warm food from the fridge/freezer..

So, she should get stuffed, shes a rich person sapping even more money by making pretentious cooking programs.. and if I never saw her on my tv again.. Id be happy.

PS Oz Clarke is nearly as annoying about wine.. guess which program followed hers?

Karate lesson #4

Today we did that first kata all the way through, which is 20 moves in total I think. So, I feel pleased with myelf. I however sponged a lift off the instructor home - its like 10 minute walk but it was quite windy, and spitting looking like it might immenantly throw it.. so, he was kind enough to let me in the car :P

We did a lot more today, it was hard work, I went very red and blotchy coz I was hot, I was terribly sweaty, so took my 2nd t-shirt off.. came to put it on at the end and it was cold and wet.. EWWWW - half the reason I didnt want to walk home coz I was cold already!!

We saw the second kata today, as 2 new people came, one has a yellow belt the other orange, and the second one (yellow) is the same as the first but with kicks, you punch kick on the single steps and kick punch on the linked steps.. so, it should be fairly easy to remember when my time comes!

The weekend comes and goes

Cant believe its saturday night already, its nearly 11pm, and what did I do today?

Charlie went down the vet, whos still pleased with his progress, to the point we dont have to go next week, we get the week off, a trip to tesco, played a short bit of wow, did some crochet.. I really dont know where it all went..

Sunday, well Dad will ring around 10am tomorrow, as always, I'll wash a few clothes.. then it will be monday!

Id like to recommend two products for you though

MediaMonkey - a media player, written in delphi, its real cool!
Bits Du Jour - a place that sometimes has great software for a stupidly cheap price. This week, for example I bought automise from them for $19.95, normal price? $195!!!

Ever had the feeling...

We've all done something and had that feeling where you think, if I had used just 1 brain cell, just 1, I wouldnt have done that.. but..

Have you ever found yourself wondering if your brain is really wired wrong? Either when you really cant grasp the concept of something you know must be simple, or that you just dont find something funny that everyone else is virtually hospitalised with hysterics over, or something??

Im having a week where I swear there must be something really really differently wrong in my head..

Charlie the pup

So, how is Charlie you ask?

Well last weekend he got done with the trimmers. and I mean done.
So, as you can probably see the photo was taken just as I finished the job, and hadn't as yet tidied up! Hes sitting next to his pile of fur.. the rest being splattered around the landing carpet.

He does look very different when hes done, when his fur is around 2 inches + he looks very bearded collie, which he half is, but when trimmed the springer spaniel side of him shows through strongly.

Hes also happier as usually like now by the time I do him his fur is getting longer and hes feeling quite hot. He doesnt enjoy a fair chunk of the trimming, feet especially, he also has a very short attention span, but with the new trimmer I bought last year it does only take 15-20 minutes including the breaks to do him, where as the first time I did him, he didnt mind me doing it quite so much but I only had nail scissors and it took about 2.5-3 hours!!!

The vets went well this weekend (yes this should really have come before the Karate 3 post), the vet is please hes well and doing fine, although perhaps a little too fine as he must not try and walk on the leg and well Charlie feels he should when only moving a few steps.

Another good point this weekend was that Charlies weight is down, he was 45kg. Hes now around 41.85! thats great weight loss considering its not like hes getting much exercise.

Its still hard not to spoil him rotten, let him play and so on as you can see in him that hes missing the fun and sad, and when anyones sad you want to cheer them up, somehow.

Karate lesson #3

Well, success again this week. No falling over.

We've learnt some punches, some kicks and, some blocks.

Im biologically at a disadvantage for the short stomache punch as you need to put your elbow in to your stomache.. only.. well.. as a female, there are 2 "glands" which get in the way..

We do stomache punches, head punches, back hand head level punches, back hand sideways punches, short stomache punches, rising elbow punches and.. round elbow punches...we then do front kicks, side kicks, round kicks and back kicks. (the kicks not too surprisingly I do very well given Im flexible, but without the balance is when Im most likely on the floor)

we do head blocks, inside hook blocks, outside hook blocks, downward blocks and sweeping blocks.

While that sounds like a lot of stuff, its generally announced "do this" and then we do like 10 of them, and maybe 10 faster, or 10 of something else and then swap back.. this is ok

what is harder is we are now being taught to do them and move. So things like bounce back and forth on your feed and then punch.. believe it or not, its amazing how many ways there are to mess that up!

We are also being taught our first kata, katas are like a routine. This first one has around 20 moves in it, and while all are made from one of the above...remembering which is next, which foot/hand to move..what to do with the rest of you..oh and when trying to turn 270 degrees of course, not fall over.. this is actually surprisingly hard.

We've learnt the first moves they go something like

stand, turn 90 degrees left and block with left hand in a lower block,
step forward and punch
turn 180 and block with right hand in a lower block
step forward and punch
turn 90 degrees left and block lower block with left and
step forward punch
step forward punch
step forward punch and shout
270 degree turn and block with I think right hand.. gets a bit mushy here
and I think stepforward and punch..

Well I found this link .. you tell me how good I remembered!

Karate me II

Well

today was the second karate lesson. I found to my surprise I had remembered far more than I had thought I had. We did some combinations today, as well as a new kick, and the first 3 moves on the "first kata" which is a routine to prove your skill. Last week I had serious issues with the blocks, next to none of them worked for me, in the sense that I could block with the arm to prevent the blow/kick.. but the other kinda well my brain didnt know what to do with it, it could only concentrate on 1 arm at a time. This week I got a couple of them almost right! yay and I didnt fall over this week either, always a bonus.

I must be really really deranged.

So.

I thought I heard the front door shut.. odd considering my hubby and I were upstairs, as were both dogs.. So, I wanderded down, the light was on.. even more concerned I opened the door, to find a man standing there, big grin on his face.

The short story goes.

His name is Mike and hes a karate instructor starting lessons in my area, would I sign up.

Well.

I confess.

I have.

no no, seriously, stop laughing.

I have!

I start monday..

I'll write from hospital I promise :P

My thoughts go to Sophie

In 1999 I had leukaemia, to some of you this is no shock, you already knew, however to those who didnt.. :P I did so there.

anyway, a young girl near here has it, and is blogging about her time. I had kind of done something similar except I got little time at home or online while I was in, and well, even though it was only 7 years ago, its funny how time was so different then.

You can read about her here

For those who missed my waffle on me inside you can read that here

Ballroom dancing (quick note)

Why is it (watching celebrity come dancing thing) in waltzes etc which are romantic the woman throws her head back and looks as far away from the guy as humanly possible with a look on her face like "Man you stink!"

Poor pup!

This last week has been hard, and if you aren't a pet owner, or haven't had small kids, this may not make a lot of sense. But, we have 2 dogs, Charlie and Kiera. Kiera was rescued be me from wandering up and down a duel carriage way, and abandoned, having captured her, phoning the most famous organisation for rescuing animals.. they said "Is she injured?" on no.. they said "Sorry we don't do stray animals".. fine.. sorry guys I had a lot of love for that organisation, ever last scrap went with that comment. (As they do do strays!!!)

Charlie, was our first pup and I guess in someways that will always make him a little special. However, there is just something about him, his character he is just a special little guy (little isn't really a good word, as hes 45kg!)

anyway

Last year, Charlie had an operation on his ear for a lump, which we were told was benign, but has reoccurred so he had an op again this year on the 28th (I thought I had blogged about my response when we were told it was back and stuff.. but apparently not, just as well the post would have been rather angry)

Well this week has been a week of tragedy

On going back on Monday for a check up Charlie had been exceedingly more than reluctant to get in my car. To the point of in trying we had succeeded in ripping the plastic facia stuff off the back, as well as him fretting and ending up on my front seat, well bum in the foot well paws on the seat with him drooling like a manic thing into the seat..

When we were told we should come back Wednesday, I made him a deal. You get in the car without too much fuss, and we'll go for a big big walk round the fields near the vets, as on the Monday I had rewarded him with a short walk there and he had behaved so well (we don't have good places to let dogs off the leads near us all the big green bits open straight onto roads where cars are doing between 40-60mph..)

Wednesday came, he got in the car with little effort, and so his reward was an hour of walks around the fields, he was the model of perfection, any fears I had about his behavior when things may crop up, like people walking there too (he tends to bounce) I could call and he would come back and walk with me, when other dogs came in he didn't rush and play, he stayed with me as asked and well I could have cried I was just so proud..

What happened next was the saddest thing (Well it could have been worse I grant but, there is no justice here)

I commented to a lady with her 2 collies how well behaved they were and the collies took a ball and came over to charlie and asked him to play so I let him, so they all played together, Kiera couldn't be bothered, and it was glorious to see everyone playing in the wonderful sunshine..

I was about to go, so through the ball 1 last time.

Charlie didn't make it there first, and then turned and lifted his back leg up, he wouldn't put it down, he had hurt himself.

he came back looking real sorry

so I checked his paw, lay him down, checked his leg he didn't whine, couldn't find anything obvious.

So we went back to the vet - Poor Charlie had to walk, it was probably half mile!

The vet looked and found the problem very quickly

Charlie had broken both Cruciate ligaments in his knee (Explained here ) in short, these are a X shaped pair that hold the knee together.

I was devastated, what a horrible way for such immaculate behavior to be rewarded.

An operation was booked for the next day, I asked to attend. It was granted, I was kinda relieved, having 2 ops in a week is certainly not good for a dog, and I had so many fears, and I confess there is an element of feeling at fault so being there at the making better was to help me feel included in the doing so.

The vets have been marvelous, the even reshuffled bringing the op forward - the sooner done, the less damage happens to the inner bits of his leg.

The op went well.. The best that could be expected, no complications, no compromises, all good.. For someone (me) who's scared of needles like you've never seen, I do have a rather curious lack of issue as long as they are going into someone else. So, even watching someone I love as much as Charlie, was not an issue, seeing them cutting and poking and even the scary hook thing they used to pop his knee.. not a flinch.. (kinda just as well the room wasn't that big if I had passed out, thrown up or such there was no room!)

The hardest part was as he came round he cried, I think 90% of it was disorientation the rest was telling me how scared he was..

I spent most of the next 24 hours hugging him, this included me sleeping on the floor, freezing my bits off (had to be the coldest night so far this year didn't it!?) with only my clothes, a coat and in the end a rug Charlie had chewed as a pup to keep me warm.

Last night finally for the first time he managed to getup on his own, and he wanted to wander out having had to err, "leak" onto a towel for the last day, and did all he needed in the garden without me having to support him and you have no idea how much I had worried about the tactics of doing this.

Well today, Saturday, we went back for a checkup, and the vet said it was better than expected, this is such a relief.

However, as you can see from the pic I will attach, Charlie had the life of royalty for that time (and its not much different now) with his water being bought to him and offered him in bowls, each dog biscuit of his tea hand fed.. and.. HE got the couch!!






Before you ask, the pillow case is covering his leg, which has about a 9" set of stitches on it, but it was more to keep the draft off it

Something useful

This is something a friend (thank you Chris) pointed me at today. Its kinda useful. Like most, I am always sceptical when it reckons 750 odd things are wrong with your PC and you look through and yes, some you go yes, I removed, that.. but others were like it when you got it and you just have that fear that you'll say "fix it" and well.. nuffin will work ever ever again.

The feelings inside

Well, since the doc put me on some pills, occasionally Ive felt odd, sometimes kinda shakey you know like when after you throw up real good and you feel a bit weak and kinda fragile, you dont actually shake but you feel like you are. Or Ive felt nautious or dizzy but not enough, just a little.

Its tough. Coz nothing is bad enough that you can really explain it proper, and its not predictable and you always manage to think of other reasons why it could be that way.. such as, you're hungry, or, tired, or didnt sleep well..

The other thing is.. Im finally losing more weight.. Ive been stuck at 15.5 stone all year and it wouldnt shift, now, Im nearer 15. Its only a few pounds and yeah not enough you could write home about, but, considering Ive been trying all year and just not getting anywhere, and finally its coming down again.. and, if it is related to the pills, nothings actually wrong enough that you know a doc would say.. stop.

Sitting here, it feels like Christmas!

For those of you who work, you'll understand!

You know how it us around Christmas when the sky is grey, its cold, miserable, you go to and from work in the dark and generally staying under the duvet sounds like the best plan ever.. And when you see at work the office is quiet as you maybe the only one in

Did I sleep for a couple of months or something?? Where is everyone??

Halloween?? isnt that next month?

OK, so, today I watched "kerching" or however its spelt, which was all about Halloween.. continued tomorrow.. Which was then followed by one of the CBBC presenters dressed up as dracula fangs and stuff about something eles Halloweeny....

Um, its 26th September (My Dads birthday), so, err, isnt halloween still 31st Oct or did I miss a new change in life somewhere??

Winter's a comin!

Its not even 8pm and yet its darker than midnight in the summer.
It seems, winter is here, or at least running at us at a huge rate. Mornings are dark enough, its so sad, everyone loves summer, no one loves winter in the same way, I love snow, I love crisp mornings, but, englands winters are just wet and miserable and grey and they seem to last ages, heck, its usually end of May or early June before you feel warmer!

Sigh..

Michael Schumacher to reture :(

Well, today sees the announcement he is retiring the end of the F1 year.

It was obvious at the end of the race when he went to hug so many of his team, not his normal reaction. It is sad. It was a glorious race, tension all the way, and yet another win for Michael in Italy.

I like so many thought less of him when he started, he was arogant and brash, but, hes mellowed with age and is a fenominal driver, and its sad hes going, but hes right, he needs to bow down for others to progress their careers and grow in their own right.

Homeopathic or just witchcraft?

Well.

If you look back in history, so many things were considered witchcraft, to be honest, at one point wearing make up was considered witchcraft, anyone having an affair was considered "under witchcraft" .. its been the blame for everything. So, is homeopathic remedies another form of witchcraft?

Well. Witchcraft is very different to pointy hats and broomstick riding and turning people into toads.

Witchcraft is more a way of life, trying to live with the earth not against it, and as a result herbs and so forth are very much within that realm. Looking back before we had great scientific laboratories, herbs were all there were to treat things, many medicines derive from plants, animals etc. They are just "purified" into little pills for us.

So, with the current change which may mean that homeopathic remedies are allowed to say what ailments they may treat, but pills and scientifically made items having to go through years of testing, while we can see that the scientists feel its unfair, perhaps we need to look at the fact that many of the homeopathic things have been around 100s if not 1000s of years, and that while they have been handed down and refined maybe, those years of people claiming it works have to count for something!

Like many people as Ive got older bits of me just dont seem to work like they used to. I am very prone to headaches, to the point I dont bother will neurofen, paracetamol, asprin etc because unless I take 3 or more of them, the headache doesnt seem effected because I have become slightly resistant to it. Similarly, I have pains in my gut, my wrist doesnt want to support my weight any more, my left foot has a whine in the morning, my backs been playing up.. Im just getting older..

But if someone said to you, put a packet of herbs in a cup and drink it once a day, and they were to go away with no side effects, no long term issues, wont make you ill in any way.. and all your problems will go..

Would you say no?

I dont think so. Problem with the pills and potions made in labs is that there are all too often, side effects. It might cure one thing, but it could make 3 more! If you read the boxes on most pills it has so many dont do this, and dont do that, and if this happens and if that happens and may causes!

For example: Neurofen (as its the only medicine pamphlet I have to hand)

Do not take them if:

you have or have ever had a stomach ulcer, perforation or bleeding
allergic to ibuprofen , to any of the ingredients, asprin or other painkillers
taking any other NSAIDs painkillers, or asprin with a dialy dose of 75mg or more
are in last 3 months of pregnancy
under 12 years old

You should ask your doctor if you can take them if

You have asthma or suffered from asthma
you have kidney, heart or liver or bowel problems
have systemic lupus erythematosus
you are taking any regular medication especially asprin, high bloodpressure or water tablets, anti-coagulants, corticosteroids, methotrexate, lithium, zidovudine
you are in the first 6 months of pregnancy or breast feeding

A final note... now heres an eye opener

nerufoen belongs to a group of medicines which may impair fertility in women...??? surely thats what headaches did :P

So, side effects:

disorders of the stomach and intestines including abdominal discomfort or pain, nausea, stomach ulcer, vomiting containing either blood or brown grit (like coffee grounds), black tarry stools, worsening of existing bowel diseases
blood disorders resulting in unexplained or unusual bruising or bleeding, fever, sore throat, moth ulcers, extreme pallor or weakness
allergic reactions including worsening of asthma, unexplained wheezing or shortness of breath, swelling of the face and tongue, collapse. In addition skin reaction (including hives and itching): these can be sever with blistering and peeling of skin.
Liver disorders that maybe indicated by yellowing of the skin and eyes or pale stools and dark urine
Kidney disorders that maybe indicated by passing less or more urine than normal, cloudy urine, blood in the urine, pain in the back and or swelling (particularly of the legs)
Nervous system disorders indicated by severe headache, neck stiffness, disorientation and light hurting the yes (**)

(** isnt that a migraine to you and me?)

and all that, may result.. for 2 pills you took to get rid of a headache!

Now think of the stuff on the market like forehead.. ok you can have allergic reactions to anything.. so ignore those, but, if they work? and have even any margin less of potential things that may come and kill you (I mean those side effects sound grim right?) wouldnt you want that new option?

Sunday life

Finally after descovering my IP got banned from an online sudoku site apparently for scripts, they finally released it (some what 2 weeks?)

Took the dogs out, went down the pub

Looking forward to no work tomorrow -shame its a bank holiday, but hey, no work tomorrow!!!

Survival properties of ...

You may have heard that cockroaches would survive pretty much anything.. A few years back Jeremy Clarkson ( A rather tall kind weird guy who talks a lot about cars ) proved that pizza was more heat repellant than the special tiles from the space shuttle..

Well.. Id like to add sweetcorn...

Why is it that sweetcorn always seem to go straight through??

158mph?

So, you're a policeman, in an unmarked police car, with no blues going. You open up and find yourself doing 158mph, and get caught.

What happens?

Well if you get caught as a normal person doing >100 you are almost certainly facing a ban from driving, you certainly get a lot of points and after 11 points you're out. You're banned from driving for a while.

So..
What did he get?

He got a few points and the judge felt the court proceedings were enough of a punishment..

EXCUSE ME???

This is so messed up.

My mother

A number of people who know me already know my mother walked out on the family in a less than gracefull manner. They also know as a result of this Im glad she is said to live far from me, as theres no chance I run into her..

Problem is, there have been times when Ive felt that I miss the person who should be there. This was especially true when I got married, lots of things mothers would be therefore, of course, she wasnt, heck she wasnt there for me when I was ill, why would she care for me being married? However, there have been odd moments when Ive felt sad at her loss from our family. One was a film where the kid wouldnt ever see his mother again.. and it dawned on me I wouldnt be seeing mine.. Tonight is another.

Im sitting here with my crochet blanket growing quite nicely, but I looked at it and it dawned on me how she would be so happy at how well I was doing, parents are good at that, my Dad still is, but they are (probably out of habbit Im sure) proud of things you do, they keep the terrible things you make that 2 days further on you cant even remember what it was its so deformed.. because you made it.

I dont know what bothers me, the fact shes not around, or the fact shes still in my head.

I had days when I feel very alone, days when 2 dogs, a husband, people at work, my friends, just all seem too far away somehow. I feel very distant from all the things I want to be near, even the hugs seem empty somehow.

I guess not aided by many of the people Id consider good friends, Ive never met. I love them dearly, Id do everything I could to make them happy, and them me, but, nothing beats that feeling of being hugged and it making you feel secure and warm and loved right to the middle

Finally something to look forward to

Im taking next week off work. I have to be "on call" for tuesday as someone else in a similar line is off, but to be honest, small price to pay even if I have to go in for a bit (long as they dont expect me at 7.30!)

Ive been feeling really run down, fedup, hassled, frustrated, angry, bitter and so much more. Hopefully a week off will sort me out.

Fake or Foto

A friend sent me this.

All I will say is Im floored by 1, Im not telling you which. I got 2 wrong, out of those 2 1 really really is impressive

You say it best...

Well, Ronan Keating (an irish singer) sang a song called "You say it best, when you say nothing at all"

My friend Chris asked if I was slacking. Im not, honest. I just fear for what I want to say, everything I want to say at the moment seems to be one of

1. Bitter
2. Spiteful
3. About work or work related topics which no doubt would be potentially offensive to anyone it referred to (even if deserved perhaps)
4. Likely to get me into trouble
5. Probably best left in my head only.

So, there you have it, many of the things I want to say do indeed fall into one or more of those categories, Im tired, running out of patience, bored out of my tiny mind at work and feeling some what bitter to some people who have arrived since my joining and are "too busy" to do the things they were given that are my job, and Im sitting there counting pixels and sceiling tiles, I just wish I had the money to work part time, or , for a company who possibly cant pay much but at least who would listen to my suggestions..

I got told in my appraisal that I was the best person for giving suggestions, and then about 10seconds later was told that I was quick to say somethings wouldnt work but with no solutions.. Im still trying to think of 1 suggestion Ive had feedback on in the 18 months.. so.. Hey boss, if you're reading this (you can never be sure after all)..

I NEED THE DARN FEEDBACK IM FED UP, I'LL GIVE YOU SOME MORE SUGGESTIONS IF YOU EVEN COMMENT ON THE ONES I'VE ALREADY SUGGESTED, THERE MUST BE CLOSE TO OVER 200 IN THAT LIST SO FAR.

There. That was about the only thing I can say thats harmless. But, so much of it is probably feelings and thoughts in my head that maybe shouldnt be there, or arent true, but sure do currently hurt and make me mad..

Something someone said today really really angered me, and I cant overly explain but, this person was given a job to do that I had previously been doing, something I truely love. Anyway, this person was too busy to do something and we missed a great opportunity.. today, they commented on that I never seemed to be lagging behind and they envied it.. so, as it was late, and Im tired and feeling somewhat less patient than even than normal, I pointed out I had no work todo, I have basically 1 spreadsheet to make in the next 4 weeks and I could probably do it in 20 minutes if I really wanted. They asked why I didnt then try and do this thing we missed out on.. ERR.. coz the whole offers withdrawn, its not possible, they didnt do what they were supposed to and we missed it! They really didnt understand .. and its just so agravating because they are seen (now) as the lead person in this subject..

ARGH

Could this be?

Could this be the only ever positive thread on a MMORG forum??

A picture tells a 1000 words.

64 bit!!??

Dont do it

For all your sanity, such as it is

DONT DO IT

I bought me a Scaleo P..

1st mistake - not noticing it comes with a 32bit OS when its a 64 bit computer.
2nd mistake - not taking it back when spotting 1st.

why?

Well

Having traulled the net downloading the ATI 64 bit drivers, nforce drivers (as ASUS says the card is an nForce and it aint), installing pretty much any 64bit driver that could have worked..
and got somewhere, so sound may be working (no speakers attached to prove it), graphics now working ok, one small issue.

NO FLIPPING NETWORK CARD

the onboard and the compaq cards we had floating around all claimed "No network driver needed"..

yeah well windows 64 dont have drivers for them so it is!!!

sigh

Finally I after more random installings.. the "fujitsu-seamens internal something blah" works with the compaq... but hey..

So it only took me most of 2 days to get a "working network card" how lame is that.

help!! before I go mad!

I have bought me a fujitsu-seamens "Scaleo P" machine, its 64 bit.. (yeah not that it came with anything 64 bit!)

So, I put my XP 64 on it, and graphics, audio etc

Except

Cant find a network card driver that works - MB claims its an A8NE-FM

Meaning so far its pretty much an elaborately new door stop, no network? bah

Well arent I stupid?

For tea I was chopping an onion with a food slicer one of those V shape violently sharp things.. I confess without the guard, why? well getting started is often a problem so I got it going and all was well it looked like an inch left and it was set to 0.75mm slices.. only obviously it was a slight illusion with the root and well slice "oops" .. its more like 2mm slices and there was a rather impressive lump of the end of my finger ..

It didnt bleed that much but now I have a rather flat spot on my finger.. I am such a moron

Glandular fever (or mono to the US friends)

When I was I think 16 I had glandular fever, I had it good too, none of this maybe stuff. Oh no.. I had it really good, I went from great health to the worst case my doctor of some 40 years practicing had seen in about 30 minutes! Pretty much in front of his eyes.

I had a raging temperature, and every gland ever it seemed turned into at least a golf ball.

Thankfully for me I dont really get relapses, for those few and misfortunate guys Ive gone out with however, I am a carrier! So have kindly left each and every one with something to remember me by.. Stupid part is the version I am a carrier for is not the version I had (Im never that simple) I had the temp and gland variety, I carry the full rash version.

Why am I saying this..

Well some 18 years later Im having a fairly good relapse. I have some glands up and they are quite painful, and Im horrendously tired, so so tired.. However, while I could go to the docs, probably even be signed off for a few weeks.. why? All I'll do is sit here at my computer, I might as well go to work.. Its not like I have "relations" with any of them so they arent going to get it

A philosophical view.

There is always more to anyone than you think, even you yourself. I woudlnt believe anyone who says they have never had a secret from someone or not told the truth at least once. Even if its really minor, everyone has kept a secret, even if only to the "does my bum look big in this"

As a result, its actually very hard even when you want to believe its the truth to really deep down have that feeling it is the truth. Wether it just wondering if people say something behind your back, or when you asked for their opinion did you really get all of it?

Tomorrow I get my review form back, on which my boss has every intention to write something hes yet to show any foundation for, he previously gave me 2 examples where someone who was supposed to be an expert in their field, asked me a question and I knew the answer and in my bosses words "made them feel small" with my response. Well, if its not my field of expertiese and I knew, and they are supposed to be expert, to be honest? Id expect if *anyone* knew the answer they'd probably feel small.. However, I apparently made them feel worse by how I answered.

Thats fine, I can understand, however, hes tried to tell me its more like 5+ people, and a whole department.. Odd. I checked with the department, and they claim they knew nothing of the sort.. so, either my boss is trying to line me up to bug the snot out of me, or, hes right, but wont tell me any examples, which when you're accused of how he put it that "the whole team hates me" .. but somehow cant show any examples or explain anything.. just makes you mad!

Tired, hot, and almost certainly grumpy!

Yesterday I was at work for 13 hours, was I busy? no, no no, and more no.. I had to be there "just in case", we did a test in the afternoon, (or rather they did), which went well, so 5pm came to do the real deal.. (an hour after my normal leave time).. by this time I was hot, hungry, nautious, had a migrane and bordom just so doesnt go well with those feelings.

Come 8.30 when I left, I really felt bad, sadly today dragged, dragged its heals like a child told to clean its room, its nearly 10pm and I feel like I could have fitted a week into today..

I would say I was looking forward to a sleep, but its too hot, it still says 32C on my thermometer!

Race for life

What you can see here is admittedly not her best view, but this is the back of my friend Karin, who today, bravely did the race for life, a charity event for cancer research. As we met while we were both having chemo Im really touched she has put me as half her reason to run/walk. Me? Im far too lazy, I sponsered her to do it for me (!)

Its great to know you have friends like this.

In the news..

So, in the news today was another tsunami. I feel for the people there, it must be like living in hells mouth. Especially with mount merapi being on their doorstep too. Although no reports have confirmed or denied it, the waves must have all but missed the base of the volcanoe! Its only Just outside Jawa.

(The above picture curtosy of google earth, an amazing app)

For porn!!

This is almost kid friendly, although more 11+ I guess, but its funny!!! Its done by getting various shots of world of warcraft toons, with a song. Theres no rude words they wont alreayd know, or nakedness.. However, the subject is vaguely suggestive!

I found it however very funny.. Sorry someone reminded me of it, and well I had to laugh some more

DONT CLICK HERE IF YOU'RE GONNA BE OFFENDED!

rant alert! rant alert!!

OK, whatever your currency.. bear with me. OK..

I wanted to pay 120 euros to a company for some crochet yarn (product not relevant really), the company is in Holland.. Nice company has agreed to let me buy direct, they didnt have to, and 120 inc shipping is pretty good deal IMHO.

So, I phone the bank to find out how to pay them (as they dont normally deal with the public, they dont take paypal/credit cards etc)..

Bank tells me (actually I phoned 3 times got told different info but heres the true cost)..

its 20 pounds to send money to holland..
20 pounds!!!

and it will take..

around 10 days!!!!

um.

I can FLY to holland, me! my whole backside and all, with luggage, for ... 16.99 pounds!!!!

for the love of all that is!! I ask you 20 pounds!!!! for 10 days!!!!

you could knock 2 days off for another 7 pounds..

yeah there are lots of words I could say, but because there maybe children reading, I wont mention them, just say, they are quite rude.

Im sorry, but 120 euros is about 80 pounds. Im after 20kg of yarn, which at 400g a pack is 5 packs per 2kg, so thats.. 50 packs (whoop! and theres 8 balls of string per pack.. can anyone say.. OMG how much string!)

1.60 a pack is really cheap, Im dead happy with that price, but even the over kill of 5 packs, that works out an extra 40p a pack. Thats a 25% price increase just so some boring moron in a bank can type my info in..

I just have visions of my money being turned into an envelope of euros, and flown over first class, it having champagne and a movie on the way..

This saga was made more frustrating by the fact I phoned before leaving to ask the bank what I needed I was told

passport/driving license as proof of ID
my bank card
and the iBAN number to pay into


nope

You need *WAY* more than that.

You need the name of the company, the swift number of their stuff, and the iban, you also need the actual details of your bank account the card wont do, so thats account and sort codes, you also need to fill in some amazing 3 page form where I have to give them (despite already having it) lots of details about me, name, phone number, address..

sigh..

All I can say is, god help the company in Holland if the guys yanking my chain!! I will fly out!! ITS CHEAPER!

Things that bug me about the simpsons opening scenes

1. Homer and Marge both have cars.. they never do in the series
2. Lisa rides a bike home, Bart skateboards home.. every episiode they are made to go by bus with Otto.
3. Lisa's bike has a viola/guitarre/maybe small cello on it.. She plays saxaphone.....
4. The garage implies they go through the door to the living area.. yet as we all know you come in the front door and its on the left..

Im sure theres more.. I know it bugs me each time I see it..

I guess Im just not feeling creative today

Life since friday?

Well.

Saturday:
Saturday was the day I officially got older. Saturday was the day I had enough of everything, and I mean.. *everything*.. if it existed, I was probably mad at it.. The two werent actually related but anything thinking so could be forgiven.

Sunday:
Sunday was a day of slobbing around and doing as little as was achievable. I was successful on this day.

Monday:
Monday saw my boss send me an appraisal form, I have no job description, I have no work to do, because we have a 10 man team for a < 1 man amount of work, and when I started it was just me, and they didnt get more coz I couldnt cope, no, the more was always planned, problem is, they seem to think that there is a lot todo.. yeah "we're busy doing nothing, working the whole day through.. trying to find lots of things not to do.." but my manager has said that we should only comment our the last 6 months worth of work (or lack of).. so.. let me see..

What skills do I feel should be expected for my job.. as I do nothing.. I guess "none"
compare your expected skills list against your actual.. well as Im insanely overqualified.. Im a god (in comparison) .. I of course put nearly all top marks as the descriptions are wooly enough that to be honest you could be a corpse and still rate top.

Finally, what job title do you want next and what time frame.. Well, as no one gets promoted round there.. how can you write anything in that box??

oh well.

Oh, and one of the team is off on hols this week so Im doing his nano seconds worth of work.. the longest part is walking to another building to put some tapes in the safe, and well you can stretch that to a 5 minute absense from your desk if you try...

Tuesday (today)...

Today sees boredom at a high level.. Finally the decision to redo my website. Its not the graphics (or even lack of), its not the content, its not the php behind it to make it useful, its nothing like that.. the bit that gets me each and every stinking time.. and drives me mad

colours

Whatever I do, what ever I look at it just never looks right. Its still the unread rule that there are only 216 colours you should use on your website. Why? well theres 00,33,66,99,AA,CC,FF for each of the 3 combinations. These come out as 216 colours.

My site always looks to me as either bland or garish, theres never something nice in the middle or colours that you try to make subtle when slapped all over a page look really really vomit wrenching. Colours you know that go in reality dont seem to work as websites, or, you get the general colours and cant read it, or, the final pincher.. colour blind people wouldnt be able to use it.

Well. What a freaking rip off.

So, my bank advertises its "Online" presense and how you can do everything and blah.. So I call them up, "Hey, I wanna send €120 to some guys in Holland for some crochet string.. how do I go about it" .. "oh" they say "You need to go to your branch, take proof of ID and they can deal with it there" .. "oh.." I say, "How long will it take for the money to get there "Well, if you pay for the express its 2 working days, and that costs 25 pounds, if you just pay the normal fee of 10 pounds its 6 working days" .. err, so let me get this right, I could pay 20% of the cost to have it there in 2 days, or, 8% to have it take most of 2 weeks.

Is it me? or does that seem a tad steep? considering if the company had paypal I think its like a 1% charge.. Plus, paypal is INSTANT.

Rolling by

So. Time rolls by. (Dont expect a post on saturday)...

I finished that blanket sunday, decided on not doing much of a border, just 1 lap of stitches to hold the edges together. The whole point of that blanket is the coloured squares, not any border or pattern. So, hopefully its all good.

Today, saw me start a new project, another top for me.

I found the company who sell the packs of string Ive been using, and need to find a way of paying 120 euros to a company in Holland who can provide me in return of 20 packs.. (thats some 120 balls of string) which works out pretty darn cheap, as thats like 6 euros a pack, which is around 4.20 pounds.. to make a whole top for me :) (as 8 balls made my top) so, thats pretty cheap if you ask me!

Weather here is so hot and sticky its horrible. Getting up and all the thermostats say 28C .. aint funny. You sweat like a slave in the mines all night.. Its just ikky

Well, its late, Im tired. I had nothing to say (sorry).. Tomorrow is another day (and House finished last week so only Grey's Anatomy on tomorrow..so, more Macgyver!)

More crochet!

The latest project looks ok!
Its not finished, but Ive done the 121 squares, sewn them together, now, just the border to go!

How naive we were.

In series one of Macgyver, they state Pete and Macgyver met or at least did time in Naam, but in series 2 they met when Pete was already in the DXS and doing a job.. And despite a whole recollection of their 7 years of meeting.. Naam suddenly has disapeared.

In series one in Hellfire, MAcGyver goes to help an old friend with his oil pump thing, and theres a girl (playes Kira Nerys) anyway, who it appears Mac would have married if it werent for his friend.. yet in series 2 shes just no one..

We know baddies often reuse their guys in series like this but wow, were we blind to these holes.

More on how macgyver

So.

Not that long ago, I blamed Macgyver for my disapointment with the world. So, in fairness I thought Id explain now how despite Im sure I didnt see most of them, heres some of the things I think he (or the program) has brought into my life (its weird going through the series as I am now, Im on series 2, Im recognising things its not like I remembered but obviously hadnt forgotten, whats even odder is seeing Sulu, Bonnie and Devon(startrek and the last 2 from Knightrider!), in various episodes.)

The show MacGyver was shot when I was 13 to imdb claims 20.. but, Im sorry, I dont remember them maybe I only saw the first couple of series.. (like most kids I didnt see a lot of tv, it wasnt so common to glue yourself to the box every night, either that or it was on when I was doing something else, most likely it was a saturday in which case it would have been my music lessons.. sigh)

So, I dont remember much of macgyver at school but somehow, I know hes responsible, as I explained before.

So, how has it also been positive.

I believe you dont have to use voilence to win (ok not all his influence, but hey, it helped)
I believe theres always hope and a way
I have always carried a penknife almost everywhere..
Make use of what you have around you
Theres always more than 1 way to do something
You can always get round something if you have time and effort and it is worth trying.
There are good people out there.

PS I warn you.. there maybe more crochet entries coming (just nod and say, "well done" or something :P)

To all of you who can..

You may have read my post about me getting the all clear. I have a friend, her name is Karin (hehe if she reads this) and she had non hodgkins, and was in the same time as me. Im a fat lazy cow, she is not. Shes doing a sponsered walk for a help with cancer fund..

Any of you who can help them, it would mean a lot to both of us, and anyone whos ill to come and your money helps find a fix for them too.

Donate a few $ here

I wouldnt normally post stuff like this, but, well in light of my recent news.. how could I not.. and yes, Im sponsoring her!

Yay!!!

Demolition man is on on sunday!!!
I love that film.

HURRAH!

Now, because I started this only this year, despite all the waffle I've laid down, you don't necessarily know a huge amount about me.. Today is a flash back moment for you

In September 1999 I was diagnosed with leukaemia. I was in remission by about October (despite being given slim chances of survival, and lots of rot in that direction), anyway, to make sure I was well they did 3 more lots of chemo, the first lot despite removing the problem didn't actually make me that ill, I didn't lose my hair, etc, but the next 3 made me very ill and bald as a coot.

January 2000 (yeah I was in hospital Christmas and new years.. Oh joy, those are whole nightmares of their own) I was given the last batch, but it was April before I got out!!

After that there were daily, then weekly, then monthly, etc through to finally, yearly, checkups.. Where some nurse would take some blood (I'm needle phobic) and then someone Id never met before would tell me I was fine and book my next appointment.

It sounds so simple doesn't it

Well, its not. You see, I had had none of the warning signs for leukaemia, so I couldn't have known it was coming, so each time they test me, if they didn't like the results the idea would be, they would keep me in, treatment can be as long as 2 years.. Imagine going for a quick stabbing (my term for blood test) and not knowing if you'll see your house and stuff for 2 years.. Maybe even never.. Or, within a few rather long and dull hours you'll be walking out just wishing that they didn't waste those hours of your life.

Over the last couple of months, without official diagnosis mainly because so many doctors in general don't give a monkeys hide, most people I know would classify me as clinically depressed, not just "a bit down" but really fundamentally miserable, work is sucking to a level where a black hole would be jealous. Personal life, such as it is, is also somewhere near an all time low.. Along with those monthly girly things, and a stabbing?? I really can see why people might do it you know?? But I'm a coward it would hurt, that and, my self confidence is also 0, and says, Id stuff it up.

You might now be puzzled as to why this post is entitled "Hurrah"

good :P

so, its 2006, I've been healthy for 6 years now, and a bit, having sat for around 2 hours and the will to live slowly ebbing away as it does when you wait for things like that staring at all the really ill people wishing they'd deal with them and leave you alone.. Finally, it was my turn.

I went to be stabbed, I warned the poor woman (who looked like 200 years old) I wasn't good with needles and once it was in, it would be fine.. Just like do it quick before I run..

So, good on her, she did get it in quick and it didn't hurt (too much)

she put the test-tube on the end, and wouldn't you know just as the blood first squirts in (and usually hits the end of the tube).. It makes a run for it.. Yes, an inanimate test tube pegged it across the room like a torpedo.. I'm beginning to panic now thinking maybe my blood pressure is so high I can do that to it they'll keep me.

Thankfully the second tube didn't do it, and sufficient blood was taken, bandaid applied to the hole and I'm sent, back out to wait.. Like waiting for death.. (it really feels like it, I'm sorry)

Finally, much nearer 3 than the original 12.45 appointment ever should have been, I get the summons to the drs room.

how are you, any issues, blah blah blah..

for the first time in certainly 5, possibly most of 6 my husband had come with.. And for the next bit, I am so glad he was there..

the guy opened his mouth and said, "its been 5 years" .. (5 years is a big thing with cancer).. I grabbed my poor hubby's arm, I swear he'll have bruises to show for it.. "You don't have to come any more if you don't want to"..

Now, half of you wants to open your channel tunnel sized mouth and say "I hate ****ing coming here, I've sworn more times than I can remember Id rather die than go through treatment again, of course I don't want to ****ing come again you muppet" .. But you don't.. They seem to be so unaware of how demoralizing it is to come with this hanging over your head.

I thanked him and told him how happy I am in a good way not that they weren't nice enough people that I wouldn't have to see them again.

My husband would never have believed me if Id come home and said "Hey, they never need to see me again".. He knows how much I hate it, (that's why he was there) but he'd have thought I was faking to never go.

the consultant briefly reminisced as he knew my consultant from when I was treated in London, and I recanted a story that made him smile..

and finally, today, only a few weeks before my birthday.

I got to leave the clinic, free, never having to return.. I am to all intense purposes..

Cured.

Aha! A lifetime revelation!

Many people my age are unhappy, unhappy that life on tv was shoved down their throat and reality couldnt be further from the truth, the films of starting as janitor in a company and being the vice president within a week because "you were good", the girl takes off glasses and shakes out hair and suddenly goes from phat ugly to model.. that and..

Macgyver. He taught us to be resourceful, he taught us good morals, but he also made us believe that people like us would be liked everywhere we go.

No, companies see you as a liability, if you arent the lemming of life then people dont like you, you're different. Being different is not always good. Being individual is, but being different isnt.

Im different, or at least, it seems that way. Ive always done what I knew I could live with, few regrets, explained to people the problems I had, hid little, Im a little of all the things I was brought up on. All those tv programs sadly did sink in. I try not to screw people over, but in turn I dont want to put up with them screwing me either. I try and believe people have a good innner core, that theres always ways, that you can achieve things..

Sadly, I seem to live my life disapointed..

As my hubby presented me with the set of macgyver... Im watching through them and realising, its stuff like this that has made me disapointed as I grew up expecting I could make a difference.

Been quiet..

Last few days have been non eventful, I've been coding a little, but All in all, its just been kinda dul.

A friend got some terrible news Sunday, our new boiler went in Sunday, my dads dog was rushed to the vets Sunday... Since then we are all thankful that nothings happened..

The current crochet project is not going fast, making tiny blocks like that is time consuming and I have no idea how I am going to sew them together at the end

Something to keep you amused (or annoyed)

Ive always loved the amount of effort some people will put into flash games.

I found these today Submachine and Submachine2 all good clean fun and great to keep the mind busy.

Holy cow!

Well, the nice plumber people came to service our boiler, previously we had had an issue with a company who we took a contract out when we had a problem with it, and within a couple of months claimed we had no contract, so we took one out again as we couldnt find our paper proof (it was not long after we moved in, so we would still have had it but finding it could be a challenge) and again a few months later they claimed we didnt.. so it never got serviced after that..

Sadly, our boiler is dead..

This means, no hot water, no heating..

No heating isnt a problem its like 28C out there, but no hot water ?? no washing, no washing up, no baths.. no showers...

Its hoped the new one will arrive to be fitted sunday.

Equality at its finest

Before you groan, no this isn't a gender thing, this is a because its anyone but "me" type thing

We've all had things at one point that weren't fair, if someone else had (not) done something it would have been fine, but it seems because it was you.. It was a problem

I had a couple of days off around the weekend, a total in fact of 2.5, our service levels grant is supposedly 5 days to do pretty much anthing, so, it seems because some servers went live and they weren't checked for all the things they needed (I should say here the servers aren't my problem) and the protocol for keepinging time in sync ntp wasn't working, and I wasn't there to correct a firewall rule they hadn't asked for.. Its me that's been blamed for it all.. Yet the guy who got the firewall rule wrong is allowed to not deal with requests for months, and get them wrong with no repocussions. So, hence I am mad that I've been blamed for having a very short period of time off, in fact my only time off so far this year really and no more planned, but its fine for these same people to remove all admin rights by mistake and generally screw up on a regular basis

Work can sure suck sometimes

Following my wonderful time at the formula one over the weekend the return to work has been knee high in frustration and stupidity..

So glad the week is over half way through already

Poor Button!!!

Wether you watch the F1 or not, this story is sad.

Imagine being a young promising driver, until race 5 or so you had the highest qualifying average, eg, you'd been in the top few for each and every race.

Now you come to your home race. And the race officials pick you for the spotcheck weight test, you're currently in 3rd place for qualifying.. by the time they're done.. qualifying time is over (!) and you're now in P19... right at the back.

Now, today in the race, you move up to P11.. you're on the move, you're doing great... only for your engine to catch alight on lap 9.. and have to retire.. in front of all your fans..

He must be as sick as a parrot.

Whats actually quite cool is knowing where we sat, we can see ourselves on the footage.. Will try and extract a frame with us in !! (You can see us behind poor Button catching on fire)

4am??

grog.. its 4am.. I am I think alive.

I finished!!

I finished the 4 chair back things for my dad

Sadly it seems blogger wont upload pictures (tried 2 different browsers now, and asked them for help to no response.. argh its a known issue apparently.. I just wish the welcome page had an up2date list of it, rather than having to hunt around.)

Somethings are just wrong

Now, as there maybe children watching.. I wont be that graphic.. but.. I hope this guy ROTS I hope that all that is bad and evil infests this guys life from now till he dies, and beyond.. why?

I dont even see how this was biologically possible.. I mean.. Just how could he???

(read the artical that spawned this rant)