Halloween?? isnt that next month?

OK, so, today I watched "kerching" or however its spelt, which was all about Halloween.. continued tomorrow.. Which was then followed by one of the CBBC presenters dressed up as dracula fangs and stuff about something eles Halloweeny....

Um, its 26th September (My Dads birthday), so, err, isnt halloween still 31st Oct or did I miss a new change in life somewhere??

Winter's a comin!

Its not even 8pm and yet its darker than midnight in the summer.
It seems, winter is here, or at least running at us at a huge rate. Mornings are dark enough, its so sad, everyone loves summer, no one loves winter in the same way, I love snow, I love crisp mornings, but, englands winters are just wet and miserable and grey and they seem to last ages, heck, its usually end of May or early June before you feel warmer!

Sigh..

Michael Schumacher to reture :(

Well, today sees the announcement he is retiring the end of the F1 year.

It was obvious at the end of the race when he went to hug so many of his team, not his normal reaction. It is sad. It was a glorious race, tension all the way, and yet another win for Michael in Italy.

I like so many thought less of him when he started, he was arogant and brash, but, hes mellowed with age and is a fenominal driver, and its sad hes going, but hes right, he needs to bow down for others to progress their careers and grow in their own right.

Homeopathic or just witchcraft?

Well.

If you look back in history, so many things were considered witchcraft, to be honest, at one point wearing make up was considered witchcraft, anyone having an affair was considered "under witchcraft" .. its been the blame for everything. So, is homeopathic remedies another form of witchcraft?

Well. Witchcraft is very different to pointy hats and broomstick riding and turning people into toads.

Witchcraft is more a way of life, trying to live with the earth not against it, and as a result herbs and so forth are very much within that realm. Looking back before we had great scientific laboratories, herbs were all there were to treat things, many medicines derive from plants, animals etc. They are just "purified" into little pills for us.

So, with the current change which may mean that homeopathic remedies are allowed to say what ailments they may treat, but pills and scientifically made items having to go through years of testing, while we can see that the scientists feel its unfair, perhaps we need to look at the fact that many of the homeopathic things have been around 100s if not 1000s of years, and that while they have been handed down and refined maybe, those years of people claiming it works have to count for something!

Like many people as Ive got older bits of me just dont seem to work like they used to. I am very prone to headaches, to the point I dont bother will neurofen, paracetamol, asprin etc because unless I take 3 or more of them, the headache doesnt seem effected because I have become slightly resistant to it. Similarly, I have pains in my gut, my wrist doesnt want to support my weight any more, my left foot has a whine in the morning, my backs been playing up.. Im just getting older..

But if someone said to you, put a packet of herbs in a cup and drink it once a day, and they were to go away with no side effects, no long term issues, wont make you ill in any way.. and all your problems will go..

Would you say no?

I dont think so. Problem with the pills and potions made in labs is that there are all too often, side effects. It might cure one thing, but it could make 3 more! If you read the boxes on most pills it has so many dont do this, and dont do that, and if this happens and if that happens and may causes!

For example: Neurofen (as its the only medicine pamphlet I have to hand)

Do not take them if:

you have or have ever had a stomach ulcer, perforation or bleeding
allergic to ibuprofen , to any of the ingredients, asprin or other painkillers
taking any other NSAIDs painkillers, or asprin with a dialy dose of 75mg or more
are in last 3 months of pregnancy
under 12 years old

You should ask your doctor if you can take them if

You have asthma or suffered from asthma
you have kidney, heart or liver or bowel problems
have systemic lupus erythematosus
you are taking any regular medication especially asprin, high bloodpressure or water tablets, anti-coagulants, corticosteroids, methotrexate, lithium, zidovudine
you are in the first 6 months of pregnancy or breast feeding

A final note... now heres an eye opener

nerufoen belongs to a group of medicines which may impair fertility in women...??? surely thats what headaches did :P

So, side effects:

disorders of the stomach and intestines including abdominal discomfort or pain, nausea, stomach ulcer, vomiting containing either blood or brown grit (like coffee grounds), black tarry stools, worsening of existing bowel diseases
blood disorders resulting in unexplained or unusual bruising or bleeding, fever, sore throat, moth ulcers, extreme pallor or weakness
allergic reactions including worsening of asthma, unexplained wheezing or shortness of breath, swelling of the face and tongue, collapse. In addition skin reaction (including hives and itching): these can be sever with blistering and peeling of skin.
Liver disorders that maybe indicated by yellowing of the skin and eyes or pale stools and dark urine
Kidney disorders that maybe indicated by passing less or more urine than normal, cloudy urine, blood in the urine, pain in the back and or swelling (particularly of the legs)
Nervous system disorders indicated by severe headache, neck stiffness, disorientation and light hurting the yes (**)

(** isnt that a migraine to you and me?)

and all that, may result.. for 2 pills you took to get rid of a headache!

Now think of the stuff on the market like forehead.. ok you can have allergic reactions to anything.. so ignore those, but, if they work? and have even any margin less of potential things that may come and kill you (I mean those side effects sound grim right?) wouldnt you want that new option?

Sunday life

Finally after descovering my IP got banned from an online sudoku site apparently for scripts, they finally released it (some what 2 weeks?)

Took the dogs out, went down the pub

Looking forward to no work tomorrow -shame its a bank holiday, but hey, no work tomorrow!!!

Survival properties of ...

You may have heard that cockroaches would survive pretty much anything.. A few years back Jeremy Clarkson ( A rather tall kind weird guy who talks a lot about cars ) proved that pizza was more heat repellant than the special tiles from the space shuttle..

Well.. Id like to add sweetcorn...

Why is it that sweetcorn always seem to go straight through??

158mph?

So, you're a policeman, in an unmarked police car, with no blues going. You open up and find yourself doing 158mph, and get caught.

What happens?

Well if you get caught as a normal person doing >100 you are almost certainly facing a ban from driving, you certainly get a lot of points and after 11 points you're out. You're banned from driving for a while.

So..
What did he get?

He got a few points and the judge felt the court proceedings were enough of a punishment..

EXCUSE ME???

This is so messed up.

My mother

A number of people who know me already know my mother walked out on the family in a less than gracefull manner. They also know as a result of this Im glad she is said to live far from me, as theres no chance I run into her..

Problem is, there have been times when Ive felt that I miss the person who should be there. This was especially true when I got married, lots of things mothers would be therefore, of course, she wasnt, heck she wasnt there for me when I was ill, why would she care for me being married? However, there have been odd moments when Ive felt sad at her loss from our family. One was a film where the kid wouldnt ever see his mother again.. and it dawned on me I wouldnt be seeing mine.. Tonight is another.

Im sitting here with my crochet blanket growing quite nicely, but I looked at it and it dawned on me how she would be so happy at how well I was doing, parents are good at that, my Dad still is, but they are (probably out of habbit Im sure) proud of things you do, they keep the terrible things you make that 2 days further on you cant even remember what it was its so deformed.. because you made it.

I dont know what bothers me, the fact shes not around, or the fact shes still in my head.

I had days when I feel very alone, days when 2 dogs, a husband, people at work, my friends, just all seem too far away somehow. I feel very distant from all the things I want to be near, even the hugs seem empty somehow.

I guess not aided by many of the people Id consider good friends, Ive never met. I love them dearly, Id do everything I could to make them happy, and them me, but, nothing beats that feeling of being hugged and it making you feel secure and warm and loved right to the middle

Finally something to look forward to

Im taking next week off work. I have to be "on call" for tuesday as someone else in a similar line is off, but to be honest, small price to pay even if I have to go in for a bit (long as they dont expect me at 7.30!)

Ive been feeling really run down, fedup, hassled, frustrated, angry, bitter and so much more. Hopefully a week off will sort me out.

Fake or Foto

A friend sent me this.

All I will say is Im floored by 1, Im not telling you which. I got 2 wrong, out of those 2 1 really really is impressive

You say it best...

Well, Ronan Keating (an irish singer) sang a song called "You say it best, when you say nothing at all"

My friend Chris asked if I was slacking. Im not, honest. I just fear for what I want to say, everything I want to say at the moment seems to be one of

1. Bitter
2. Spiteful
3. About work or work related topics which no doubt would be potentially offensive to anyone it referred to (even if deserved perhaps)
4. Likely to get me into trouble
5. Probably best left in my head only.

So, there you have it, many of the things I want to say do indeed fall into one or more of those categories, Im tired, running out of patience, bored out of my tiny mind at work and feeling some what bitter to some people who have arrived since my joining and are "too busy" to do the things they were given that are my job, and Im sitting there counting pixels and sceiling tiles, I just wish I had the money to work part time, or , for a company who possibly cant pay much but at least who would listen to my suggestions..

I got told in my appraisal that I was the best person for giving suggestions, and then about 10seconds later was told that I was quick to say somethings wouldnt work but with no solutions.. Im still trying to think of 1 suggestion Ive had feedback on in the 18 months.. so.. Hey boss, if you're reading this (you can never be sure after all)..

I NEED THE DARN FEEDBACK IM FED UP, I'LL GIVE YOU SOME MORE SUGGESTIONS IF YOU EVEN COMMENT ON THE ONES I'VE ALREADY SUGGESTED, THERE MUST BE CLOSE TO OVER 200 IN THAT LIST SO FAR.

There. That was about the only thing I can say thats harmless. But, so much of it is probably feelings and thoughts in my head that maybe shouldnt be there, or arent true, but sure do currently hurt and make me mad..

Something someone said today really really angered me, and I cant overly explain but, this person was given a job to do that I had previously been doing, something I truely love. Anyway, this person was too busy to do something and we missed a great opportunity.. today, they commented on that I never seemed to be lagging behind and they envied it.. so, as it was late, and Im tired and feeling somewhat less patient than even than normal, I pointed out I had no work todo, I have basically 1 spreadsheet to make in the next 4 weeks and I could probably do it in 20 minutes if I really wanted. They asked why I didnt then try and do this thing we missed out on.. ERR.. coz the whole offers withdrawn, its not possible, they didnt do what they were supposed to and we missed it! They really didnt understand .. and its just so agravating because they are seen (now) as the lead person in this subject..

ARGH

Could this be?

Could this be the only ever positive thread on a MMORG forum??

A picture tells a 1000 words.

64 bit!!??

Dont do it

For all your sanity, such as it is

DONT DO IT

I bought me a Scaleo P..

1st mistake - not noticing it comes with a 32bit OS when its a 64 bit computer.
2nd mistake - not taking it back when spotting 1st.

why?

Well

Having traulled the net downloading the ATI 64 bit drivers, nforce drivers (as ASUS says the card is an nForce and it aint), installing pretty much any 64bit driver that could have worked..
and got somewhere, so sound may be working (no speakers attached to prove it), graphics now working ok, one small issue.

NO FLIPPING NETWORK CARD

the onboard and the compaq cards we had floating around all claimed "No network driver needed"..

yeah well windows 64 dont have drivers for them so it is!!!

sigh

Finally I after more random installings.. the "fujitsu-seamens internal something blah" works with the compaq... but hey..

So it only took me most of 2 days to get a "working network card" how lame is that.

help!! before I go mad!

I have bought me a fujitsu-seamens "Scaleo P" machine, its 64 bit.. (yeah not that it came with anything 64 bit!)

So, I put my XP 64 on it, and graphics, audio etc

Except

Cant find a network card driver that works - MB claims its an A8NE-FM

Meaning so far its pretty much an elaborately new door stop, no network? bah

Well arent I stupid?

For tea I was chopping an onion with a food slicer one of those V shape violently sharp things.. I confess without the guard, why? well getting started is often a problem so I got it going and all was well it looked like an inch left and it was set to 0.75mm slices.. only obviously it was a slight illusion with the root and well slice "oops" .. its more like 2mm slices and there was a rather impressive lump of the end of my finger ..

It didnt bleed that much but now I have a rather flat spot on my finger.. I am such a moron

Glandular fever (or mono to the US friends)

When I was I think 16 I had glandular fever, I had it good too, none of this maybe stuff. Oh no.. I had it really good, I went from great health to the worst case my doctor of some 40 years practicing had seen in about 30 minutes! Pretty much in front of his eyes.

I had a raging temperature, and every gland ever it seemed turned into at least a golf ball.

Thankfully for me I dont really get relapses, for those few and misfortunate guys Ive gone out with however, I am a carrier! So have kindly left each and every one with something to remember me by.. Stupid part is the version I am a carrier for is not the version I had (Im never that simple) I had the temp and gland variety, I carry the full rash version.

Why am I saying this..

Well some 18 years later Im having a fairly good relapse. I have some glands up and they are quite painful, and Im horrendously tired, so so tired.. However, while I could go to the docs, probably even be signed off for a few weeks.. why? All I'll do is sit here at my computer, I might as well go to work.. Its not like I have "relations" with any of them so they arent going to get it

A philosophical view.

There is always more to anyone than you think, even you yourself. I woudlnt believe anyone who says they have never had a secret from someone or not told the truth at least once. Even if its really minor, everyone has kept a secret, even if only to the "does my bum look big in this"

As a result, its actually very hard even when you want to believe its the truth to really deep down have that feeling it is the truth. Wether it just wondering if people say something behind your back, or when you asked for their opinion did you really get all of it?

Tomorrow I get my review form back, on which my boss has every intention to write something hes yet to show any foundation for, he previously gave me 2 examples where someone who was supposed to be an expert in their field, asked me a question and I knew the answer and in my bosses words "made them feel small" with my response. Well, if its not my field of expertiese and I knew, and they are supposed to be expert, to be honest? Id expect if *anyone* knew the answer they'd probably feel small.. However, I apparently made them feel worse by how I answered.

Thats fine, I can understand, however, hes tried to tell me its more like 5+ people, and a whole department.. Odd. I checked with the department, and they claim they knew nothing of the sort.. so, either my boss is trying to line me up to bug the snot out of me, or, hes right, but wont tell me any examples, which when you're accused of how he put it that "the whole team hates me" .. but somehow cant show any examples or explain anything.. just makes you mad!

Tired, hot, and almost certainly grumpy!

Yesterday I was at work for 13 hours, was I busy? no, no no, and more no.. I had to be there "just in case", we did a test in the afternoon, (or rather they did), which went well, so 5pm came to do the real deal.. (an hour after my normal leave time).. by this time I was hot, hungry, nautious, had a migrane and bordom just so doesnt go well with those feelings.

Come 8.30 when I left, I really felt bad, sadly today dragged, dragged its heals like a child told to clean its room, its nearly 10pm and I feel like I could have fitted a week into today..

I would say I was looking forward to a sleep, but its too hot, it still says 32C on my thermometer!

Race for life

What you can see here is admittedly not her best view, but this is the back of my friend Karin, who today, bravely did the race for life, a charity event for cancer research. As we met while we were both having chemo Im really touched she has put me as half her reason to run/walk. Me? Im far too lazy, I sponsered her to do it for me (!)

Its great to know you have friends like this.