Glandular fever (or mono to the US friends)

When I was I think 16 I had glandular fever, I had it good too, none of this maybe stuff. Oh no.. I had it really good, I went from great health to the worst case my doctor of some 40 years practicing had seen in about 30 minutes! Pretty much in front of his eyes.

I had a raging temperature, and every gland ever it seemed turned into at least a golf ball.

Thankfully for me I dont really get relapses, for those few and misfortunate guys Ive gone out with however, I am a carrier! So have kindly left each and every one with something to remember me by.. Stupid part is the version I am a carrier for is not the version I had (Im never that simple) I had the temp and gland variety, I carry the full rash version.

Why am I saying this..

Well some 18 years later Im having a fairly good relapse. I have some glands up and they are quite painful, and Im horrendously tired, so so tired.. However, while I could go to the docs, probably even be signed off for a few weeks.. why? All I'll do is sit here at my computer, I might as well go to work.. Its not like I have "relations" with any of them so they arent going to get it

A philosophical view.

There is always more to anyone than you think, even you yourself. I woudlnt believe anyone who says they have never had a secret from someone or not told the truth at least once. Even if its really minor, everyone has kept a secret, even if only to the "does my bum look big in this"

As a result, its actually very hard even when you want to believe its the truth to really deep down have that feeling it is the truth. Wether it just wondering if people say something behind your back, or when you asked for their opinion did you really get all of it?

Tomorrow I get my review form back, on which my boss has every intention to write something hes yet to show any foundation for, he previously gave me 2 examples where someone who was supposed to be an expert in their field, asked me a question and I knew the answer and in my bosses words "made them feel small" with my response. Well, if its not my field of expertiese and I knew, and they are supposed to be expert, to be honest? Id expect if *anyone* knew the answer they'd probably feel small.. However, I apparently made them feel worse by how I answered.

Thats fine, I can understand, however, hes tried to tell me its more like 5+ people, and a whole department.. Odd. I checked with the department, and they claim they knew nothing of the sort.. so, either my boss is trying to line me up to bug the snot out of me, or, hes right, but wont tell me any examples, which when you're accused of how he put it that "the whole team hates me" .. but somehow cant show any examples or explain anything.. just makes you mad!

Tired, hot, and almost certainly grumpy!

Yesterday I was at work for 13 hours, was I busy? no, no no, and more no.. I had to be there "just in case", we did a test in the afternoon, (or rather they did), which went well, so 5pm came to do the real deal.. (an hour after my normal leave time).. by this time I was hot, hungry, nautious, had a migrane and bordom just so doesnt go well with those feelings.

Come 8.30 when I left, I really felt bad, sadly today dragged, dragged its heals like a child told to clean its room, its nearly 10pm and I feel like I could have fitted a week into today..

I would say I was looking forward to a sleep, but its too hot, it still says 32C on my thermometer!

Race for life

What you can see here is admittedly not her best view, but this is the back of my friend Karin, who today, bravely did the race for life, a charity event for cancer research. As we met while we were both having chemo Im really touched she has put me as half her reason to run/walk. Me? Im far too lazy, I sponsered her to do it for me (!)

Its great to know you have friends like this.

In the news..

So, in the news today was another tsunami. I feel for the people there, it must be like living in hells mouth. Especially with mount merapi being on their doorstep too. Although no reports have confirmed or denied it, the waves must have all but missed the base of the volcanoe! Its only Just outside Jawa.

(The above picture curtosy of google earth, an amazing app)

For porn!!

This is almost kid friendly, although more 11+ I guess, but its funny!!! Its done by getting various shots of world of warcraft toons, with a song. Theres no rude words they wont alreayd know, or nakedness.. However, the subject is vaguely suggestive!

I found it however very funny.. Sorry someone reminded me of it, and well I had to laugh some more

DONT CLICK HERE IF YOU'RE GONNA BE OFFENDED!

rant alert! rant alert!!

OK, whatever your currency.. bear with me. OK..

I wanted to pay 120 euros to a company for some crochet yarn (product not relevant really), the company is in Holland.. Nice company has agreed to let me buy direct, they didnt have to, and 120 inc shipping is pretty good deal IMHO.

So, I phone the bank to find out how to pay them (as they dont normally deal with the public, they dont take paypal/credit cards etc)..

Bank tells me (actually I phoned 3 times got told different info but heres the true cost)..

its 20 pounds to send money to holland..
20 pounds!!!

and it will take..

around 10 days!!!!

um.

I can FLY to holland, me! my whole backside and all, with luggage, for ... 16.99 pounds!!!!

for the love of all that is!! I ask you 20 pounds!!!! for 10 days!!!!

you could knock 2 days off for another 7 pounds..

yeah there are lots of words I could say, but because there maybe children reading, I wont mention them, just say, they are quite rude.

Im sorry, but 120 euros is about 80 pounds. Im after 20kg of yarn, which at 400g a pack is 5 packs per 2kg, so thats.. 50 packs (whoop! and theres 8 balls of string per pack.. can anyone say.. OMG how much string!)

1.60 a pack is really cheap, Im dead happy with that price, but even the over kill of 5 packs, that works out an extra 40p a pack. Thats a 25% price increase just so some boring moron in a bank can type my info in..

I just have visions of my money being turned into an envelope of euros, and flown over first class, it having champagne and a movie on the way..

This saga was made more frustrating by the fact I phoned before leaving to ask the bank what I needed I was told

passport/driving license as proof of ID
my bank card
and the iBAN number to pay into


nope

You need *WAY* more than that.

You need the name of the company, the swift number of their stuff, and the iban, you also need the actual details of your bank account the card wont do, so thats account and sort codes, you also need to fill in some amazing 3 page form where I have to give them (despite already having it) lots of details about me, name, phone number, address..

sigh..

All I can say is, god help the company in Holland if the guys yanking my chain!! I will fly out!! ITS CHEAPER!

Things that bug me about the simpsons opening scenes

1. Homer and Marge both have cars.. they never do in the series
2. Lisa rides a bike home, Bart skateboards home.. every episiode they are made to go by bus with Otto.
3. Lisa's bike has a viola/guitarre/maybe small cello on it.. She plays saxaphone.....
4. The garage implies they go through the door to the living area.. yet as we all know you come in the front door and its on the left..

Im sure theres more.. I know it bugs me each time I see it..

I guess Im just not feeling creative today

Life since friday?

Well.

Saturday:
Saturday was the day I officially got older. Saturday was the day I had enough of everything, and I mean.. *everything*.. if it existed, I was probably mad at it.. The two werent actually related but anything thinking so could be forgiven.

Sunday:
Sunday was a day of slobbing around and doing as little as was achievable. I was successful on this day.

Monday:
Monday saw my boss send me an appraisal form, I have no job description, I have no work to do, because we have a 10 man team for a < 1 man amount of work, and when I started it was just me, and they didnt get more coz I couldnt cope, no, the more was always planned, problem is, they seem to think that there is a lot todo.. yeah "we're busy doing nothing, working the whole day through.. trying to find lots of things not to do.." but my manager has said that we should only comment our the last 6 months worth of work (or lack of).. so.. let me see..

What skills do I feel should be expected for my job.. as I do nothing.. I guess "none"
compare your expected skills list against your actual.. well as Im insanely overqualified.. Im a god (in comparison) .. I of course put nearly all top marks as the descriptions are wooly enough that to be honest you could be a corpse and still rate top.

Finally, what job title do you want next and what time frame.. Well, as no one gets promoted round there.. how can you write anything in that box??

oh well.

Oh, and one of the team is off on hols this week so Im doing his nano seconds worth of work.. the longest part is walking to another building to put some tapes in the safe, and well you can stretch that to a 5 minute absense from your desk if you try...

Tuesday (today)...

Today sees boredom at a high level.. Finally the decision to redo my website. Its not the graphics (or even lack of), its not the content, its not the php behind it to make it useful, its nothing like that.. the bit that gets me each and every stinking time.. and drives me mad

colours

Whatever I do, what ever I look at it just never looks right. Its still the unread rule that there are only 216 colours you should use on your website. Why? well theres 00,33,66,99,AA,CC,FF for each of the 3 combinations. These come out as 216 colours.

My site always looks to me as either bland or garish, theres never something nice in the middle or colours that you try to make subtle when slapped all over a page look really really vomit wrenching. Colours you know that go in reality dont seem to work as websites, or, you get the general colours and cant read it, or, the final pincher.. colour blind people wouldnt be able to use it.

Well. What a freaking rip off.

So, my bank advertises its "Online" presense and how you can do everything and blah.. So I call them up, "Hey, I wanna send €120 to some guys in Holland for some crochet string.. how do I go about it" .. "oh" they say "You need to go to your branch, take proof of ID and they can deal with it there" .. "oh.." I say, "How long will it take for the money to get there "Well, if you pay for the express its 2 working days, and that costs 25 pounds, if you just pay the normal fee of 10 pounds its 6 working days" .. err, so let me get this right, I could pay 20% of the cost to have it there in 2 days, or, 8% to have it take most of 2 weeks.

Is it me? or does that seem a tad steep? considering if the company had paypal I think its like a 1% charge.. Plus, paypal is INSTANT.

Rolling by

So. Time rolls by. (Dont expect a post on saturday)...

I finished that blanket sunday, decided on not doing much of a border, just 1 lap of stitches to hold the edges together. The whole point of that blanket is the coloured squares, not any border or pattern. So, hopefully its all good.

Today, saw me start a new project, another top for me.

I found the company who sell the packs of string Ive been using, and need to find a way of paying 120 euros to a company in Holland who can provide me in return of 20 packs.. (thats some 120 balls of string) which works out pretty darn cheap, as thats like 6 euros a pack, which is around 4.20 pounds.. to make a whole top for me :) (as 8 balls made my top) so, thats pretty cheap if you ask me!

Weather here is so hot and sticky its horrible. Getting up and all the thermostats say 28C .. aint funny. You sweat like a slave in the mines all night.. Its just ikky

Well, its late, Im tired. I had nothing to say (sorry).. Tomorrow is another day (and House finished last week so only Grey's Anatomy on tomorrow..so, more Macgyver!)

More crochet!

The latest project looks ok!
Its not finished, but Ive done the 121 squares, sewn them together, now, just the border to go!

How naive we were.

In series one of Macgyver, they state Pete and Macgyver met or at least did time in Naam, but in series 2 they met when Pete was already in the DXS and doing a job.. And despite a whole recollection of their 7 years of meeting.. Naam suddenly has disapeared.

In series one in Hellfire, MAcGyver goes to help an old friend with his oil pump thing, and theres a girl (playes Kira Nerys) anyway, who it appears Mac would have married if it werent for his friend.. yet in series 2 shes just no one..

We know baddies often reuse their guys in series like this but wow, were we blind to these holes.

More on how macgyver

So.

Not that long ago, I blamed Macgyver for my disapointment with the world. So, in fairness I thought Id explain now how despite Im sure I didnt see most of them, heres some of the things I think he (or the program) has brought into my life (its weird going through the series as I am now, Im on series 2, Im recognising things its not like I remembered but obviously hadnt forgotten, whats even odder is seeing Sulu, Bonnie and Devon(startrek and the last 2 from Knightrider!), in various episodes.)

The show MacGyver was shot when I was 13 to imdb claims 20.. but, Im sorry, I dont remember them maybe I only saw the first couple of series.. (like most kids I didnt see a lot of tv, it wasnt so common to glue yourself to the box every night, either that or it was on when I was doing something else, most likely it was a saturday in which case it would have been my music lessons.. sigh)

So, I dont remember much of macgyver at school but somehow, I know hes responsible, as I explained before.

So, how has it also been positive.

I believe you dont have to use voilence to win (ok not all his influence, but hey, it helped)
I believe theres always hope and a way
I have always carried a penknife almost everywhere..
Make use of what you have around you
Theres always more than 1 way to do something
You can always get round something if you have time and effort and it is worth trying.
There are good people out there.

PS I warn you.. there maybe more crochet entries coming (just nod and say, "well done" or something :P)

To all of you who can..

You may have read my post about me getting the all clear. I have a friend, her name is Karin (hehe if she reads this) and she had non hodgkins, and was in the same time as me. Im a fat lazy cow, she is not. Shes doing a sponsered walk for a help with cancer fund..

Any of you who can help them, it would mean a lot to both of us, and anyone whos ill to come and your money helps find a fix for them too.

Donate a few $ here

I wouldnt normally post stuff like this, but, well in light of my recent news.. how could I not.. and yes, Im sponsoring her!

Yay!!!

Demolition man is on on sunday!!!
I love that film.

HURRAH!

Now, because I started this only this year, despite all the waffle I've laid down, you don't necessarily know a huge amount about me.. Today is a flash back moment for you

In September 1999 I was diagnosed with leukaemia. I was in remission by about October (despite being given slim chances of survival, and lots of rot in that direction), anyway, to make sure I was well they did 3 more lots of chemo, the first lot despite removing the problem didn't actually make me that ill, I didn't lose my hair, etc, but the next 3 made me very ill and bald as a coot.

January 2000 (yeah I was in hospital Christmas and new years.. Oh joy, those are whole nightmares of their own) I was given the last batch, but it was April before I got out!!

After that there were daily, then weekly, then monthly, etc through to finally, yearly, checkups.. Where some nurse would take some blood (I'm needle phobic) and then someone Id never met before would tell me I was fine and book my next appointment.

It sounds so simple doesn't it

Well, its not. You see, I had had none of the warning signs for leukaemia, so I couldn't have known it was coming, so each time they test me, if they didn't like the results the idea would be, they would keep me in, treatment can be as long as 2 years.. Imagine going for a quick stabbing (my term for blood test) and not knowing if you'll see your house and stuff for 2 years.. Maybe even never.. Or, within a few rather long and dull hours you'll be walking out just wishing that they didn't waste those hours of your life.

Over the last couple of months, without official diagnosis mainly because so many doctors in general don't give a monkeys hide, most people I know would classify me as clinically depressed, not just "a bit down" but really fundamentally miserable, work is sucking to a level where a black hole would be jealous. Personal life, such as it is, is also somewhere near an all time low.. Along with those monthly girly things, and a stabbing?? I really can see why people might do it you know?? But I'm a coward it would hurt, that and, my self confidence is also 0, and says, Id stuff it up.

You might now be puzzled as to why this post is entitled "Hurrah"

good :P

so, its 2006, I've been healthy for 6 years now, and a bit, having sat for around 2 hours and the will to live slowly ebbing away as it does when you wait for things like that staring at all the really ill people wishing they'd deal with them and leave you alone.. Finally, it was my turn.

I went to be stabbed, I warned the poor woman (who looked like 200 years old) I wasn't good with needles and once it was in, it would be fine.. Just like do it quick before I run..

So, good on her, she did get it in quick and it didn't hurt (too much)

she put the test-tube on the end, and wouldn't you know just as the blood first squirts in (and usually hits the end of the tube).. It makes a run for it.. Yes, an inanimate test tube pegged it across the room like a torpedo.. I'm beginning to panic now thinking maybe my blood pressure is so high I can do that to it they'll keep me.

Thankfully the second tube didn't do it, and sufficient blood was taken, bandaid applied to the hole and I'm sent, back out to wait.. Like waiting for death.. (it really feels like it, I'm sorry)

Finally, much nearer 3 than the original 12.45 appointment ever should have been, I get the summons to the drs room.

how are you, any issues, blah blah blah..

for the first time in certainly 5, possibly most of 6 my husband had come with.. And for the next bit, I am so glad he was there..

the guy opened his mouth and said, "its been 5 years" .. (5 years is a big thing with cancer).. I grabbed my poor hubby's arm, I swear he'll have bruises to show for it.. "You don't have to come any more if you don't want to"..

Now, half of you wants to open your channel tunnel sized mouth and say "I hate ****ing coming here, I've sworn more times than I can remember Id rather die than go through treatment again, of course I don't want to ****ing come again you muppet" .. But you don't.. They seem to be so unaware of how demoralizing it is to come with this hanging over your head.

I thanked him and told him how happy I am in a good way not that they weren't nice enough people that I wouldn't have to see them again.

My husband would never have believed me if Id come home and said "Hey, they never need to see me again".. He knows how much I hate it, (that's why he was there) but he'd have thought I was faking to never go.

the consultant briefly reminisced as he knew my consultant from when I was treated in London, and I recanted a story that made him smile..

and finally, today, only a few weeks before my birthday.

I got to leave the clinic, free, never having to return.. I am to all intense purposes..

Cured.

Aha! A lifetime revelation!

Many people my age are unhappy, unhappy that life on tv was shoved down their throat and reality couldnt be further from the truth, the films of starting as janitor in a company and being the vice president within a week because "you were good", the girl takes off glasses and shakes out hair and suddenly goes from phat ugly to model.. that and..

Macgyver. He taught us to be resourceful, he taught us good morals, but he also made us believe that people like us would be liked everywhere we go.

No, companies see you as a liability, if you arent the lemming of life then people dont like you, you're different. Being different is not always good. Being individual is, but being different isnt.

Im different, or at least, it seems that way. Ive always done what I knew I could live with, few regrets, explained to people the problems I had, hid little, Im a little of all the things I was brought up on. All those tv programs sadly did sink in. I try not to screw people over, but in turn I dont want to put up with them screwing me either. I try and believe people have a good innner core, that theres always ways, that you can achieve things..

Sadly, I seem to live my life disapointed..

As my hubby presented me with the set of macgyver... Im watching through them and realising, its stuff like this that has made me disapointed as I grew up expecting I could make a difference.

Been quiet..

Last few days have been non eventful, I've been coding a little, but All in all, its just been kinda dul.

A friend got some terrible news Sunday, our new boiler went in Sunday, my dads dog was rushed to the vets Sunday... Since then we are all thankful that nothings happened..

The current crochet project is not going fast, making tiny blocks like that is time consuming and I have no idea how I am going to sew them together at the end

Something to keep you amused (or annoyed)

Ive always loved the amount of effort some people will put into flash games.

I found these today Submachine and Submachine2 all good clean fun and great to keep the mind busy.